School's out For...ever

I went to see Grandma today with Dad and Mel. That was fun. My grandma is so funny, and the typical grandma. Not the kind that bakes cookies and pinches cheeks, but the kind that says things that make your jaw drop and laugh out load.

She made a list of all of the people she would give money to if, no WHEN, she wins the lottery.

She also wants to have a mock funeral, with her sitting in the back so nobody sees her, so she can see who comes and hear what they say... We said that at the end she could pop out of the coffin and scream SURPRISE!!! Then we could laugh and have a glass of boxed White Zinfandel.


We ordered Chinese food. There is something about Chinese food that keeps me from abiding by the rules of portion control. I just can't help but eat half my body weight in China's finest. I must admit, of all meat, I miss Sesame Chicken more than most.

ME: I don't eat meat.
GRANDMA: Well, eat this Sesame Chicken... it's good.
ME: I know it's good, but it's not the taste that makes me a vegetarian.
GRANDMA: But it's good....

Silly Grandma.

I haven't had a good nights sleep in quite a few days. Between the craziness of graduation and family and having to get up early for work, I have not been able to get enough rest. Saturday night I could not sleep. It was weird. I usually don't have a lot of trouble getting to sleep, but that night could not turn off my brain. I also had really bad heart burn, which makes my chest feel like it is simultaneously on fire and freezing. So I did what any recent graduate would do... I watched half a season of Sex and the City DVDs. And ate cookies, because I assume that marshmallow and chocolate graham cracker cookies are the perfect antidote for heart burn.

They're not.

I ended up staying awake until four am. Since then, I have not really caught up. So last night I decided to go to be early. So I sat down with my book at 9:45 and planned on reading until I fell asleep. Well, I ended up reading the rest of the god damn book. Needless to say, I was up late, again. Then I was so upset by the ending, that I sat awake for another 45 minutes contemplating if it really had to end that way, or if the author just hates me (because it's all about me).

I'm now starting The Host by my hero, Stephanie Meyer. OK, she's not really my hero, but The Twilight Saga are some of my most favorite books of all time. I started The Host tonight, but knowing that I'll probably become addicted, I've decided to put it down before I become too engrossed and end up reading all 700 pages tonight.

So instead, I'm rambling here. Apparently I just cannot go to bed at a reasonable time. DAMN SELF-DESTRUCTION!!

It is nice to be out of school and able to read what I want.

I keep thinking that I should be doing homework. Then I think, But it's summer. Then I realize it's not just summer... this is the rest of my life. Work, then whatever, then work...

But I'll still enjoy the fact that it is summer.

The Heckled becomes the Heckler

The last few days have been a complete blur... I don't really want to go into super detail about all of it, but I'll do a recap.

Thursday was the day of my ceremony. I was super nervous before I got there, but it was alright. We only had 16 undergrads, so it was nice and small. Amazingly, though, I didn't know/recognize a good half of the women in my Senior class. I know... pathetic.

The other thing that was pathetic was that I was informed that I am the only one who was a single major in Women and Gender Studies. Everyone else is a double major... and able to do it in 4 years. I was also one of a handful who didn't get a cord or sash or cool scarf to wear.

Oh well... moving on with my life.

The ceremony was beautiful. Mike sums it up well. I had to be the first to walk in line. I hate being first. What if I trip and then the next person falls on me and then the next until we are just a pile of graduating feminists in our caps and gowns crushed to the sound of African drummers... I made it, though. But my ENTIRE family was waiting outside. "Oh crap" were the words I muttered, if I remember correctly. It was fine, until someone (I will name no names) yelled "Nice hat, Ally!" The women behind me we shocked, and I am now known as "the girl with the family that heckles her".

It's a lovely legacy... really.

The professor who gave me my diploma book gave me a hug. It was very sweet, but I don't know who the hell the crazy bastard was.

The woman who sounds like the priest from The Princess Bride spoke for a long time and I guess my brother and dad cracked up. That is why I love them. I'm sorry... wuv them.

After dinner we went to Rincon Del Sol. I tried to get the Kohn Zone and the Carrillo Clan to mesh and interact... but that didn't work too well. They pretty much split, except for Mike, Dustin and Dave, but that was more of a fluke. Thanks guys...

I decided that it was my graduation, and I always wanted one of the fish bowl sized margaritas. So I ordered a 32 oz frozen mango margarita.

I got down about 30 oz of it.

I almost threw up. I didn't though... I did lie on the floor of my house talking to the doggies... but I don't need margaritas to do that.

Neither do Mike or Dave, for that matter.

We then had Mark, Gordon, my cousin Derek, and Scott over and watched LOST. I was drunk... but it was still fun and exciting.

Friday we spent the afternoon on Pearl Street, then went to party at the Big House. It was a ton of fun. People were very nice and excited, and the magician was AMAZING (actually, his name is the Amazing Lamont, so I expected nothing less). After he performed, I had lots of people tell me that they thought that he would be totally lame, but really enjoyed him...

Have we EVER put on a bad party? Seriously people.

My little cousin, Hayden, who is 3 (4?) was so freaking cute. He sat at the table and kept holding his hands up and slapping his cheeks Home Alone style. When Lamont messed up a trick, I said that it was all my fault. Hayden informed me that I did indeed mess it up, and that I could not have any cake. Way to make a gal feel worse, kid.

Today Mike's family had us all over for an indoor BBQ. The girls got to come and were so happy to play in the backyard and get some attention and eat ice cubes from the cooler. Cutest picture is located here. I am very grateful to Mike's family for hosting my whole crazy family, on top of their whole crazy family... they must be crazy themselves.

Tonight we went to Grammy's to play a game. We didn't play one, though, but it was nice to hang out for a while.

Favorite thing that happened:
Mike was explaining how hard it is to eat cheese and crackers: "You try and spread the cheese, but the cracker keeps crackin." He didn't even realize it was funny... which makes him all that much cuter.

Graduation Affirmation

Today is graduation and it will be a good day.
I will not worry about the future, just have fun in the present.
I will not worry about last night. I will not worry at all.
I will be happy to be with my family.
I will have a margarita the size of a fish bowl tonight.
I will be happy, because I deserve it!

Sushi for Cinco de Mayo

So I figure that I get mad (and so does Mike) when people don't post on a regular basis, so I should do that more often... I've got people waiting for my pearls of wisdomness.

I am actually in a final. We have people presenting today. I was one of them, and I kicked ass. I pulled a shameless trick, though: I put a really cute picture of Bonnie and Hannah up so that everyone would "ooh" and "ahh" over them... because that makes me happy!
This was the picture:


I can practically hear the cooing over the DSL.

I did my project on The Little Mermaid (college graduate here!). I called it Sex and the Sea: A Feminist Analysis on The Little Mermaid: Past and Present. Yes... I'm smarter than you.

Last night Mike, AJ, Jeannie, Billy B, Diane and I all went to Hapas on The Hill. Good sushi... AJ knew the waiter... of course... and so we got a cool special roll for free... AJ could get anything, without even trying.

After dinner, Jeannie and I went to The Fox Theater to see Kate Nash. This guy, Rob Drabkin, was the opener and he was really cool. He did a bunch of covers including Nelly's "Ride Wit' Me" on his acoustic guitar. My favorite, though, was a cover he did of Aladdin's "A Whole New World"... the whole place sang along... it was awesome. He even did both parts (Aladdin and Jasmine). I told my Disney class before my presentation.

So Kate Nash was really cool. She's this little British girl who is not afraid to scream and yell and say "fuck you"... which I enjoy. She wailed on the piano and guitar! I've been to a lot of concerts, and most of them have to have oxygen and end up singing while sitting down by the end of the show. Kate when full force all the way through, and just slammed on her keyboard like there was not tomorrow. That was nice, because it's depressing to see people succumb to altitude, especially when I paid good money to see them rock out.

After the concert, Jeannie and I decided to find a treat. It was almost midnight, so Glacier and Dairy Queen were closed. Then we had to make the important decision that all young women must make at some point in their lives: McDonald's McFlurry or Wendy's Frosty?

I know... how would we decide...

Jeannie chose Wendy's, because they have a new Strawberry Frostys. It said that they were "hand whipped". Does that mean that some poor (let's face it) woman of color has to sit and hand whip all Frostys? Or, does it mean that a hand had to push a button on a whipping machine?

I'd bet on the latter.

So we went home and ate our treats. I didn't eat all of mine, so I still have some at home. If Mike eats it I'll kill him. Or make him buy me another one... a LARGE... that'll show him!

I had to stay up for awhile and work on my Power Point presentation for this class.

Then I went to sleep... because sleep is good.

I got up when Jeannie was about to leave... AT 6:30 AM. HELL WAS FROZEN... but then I finished my presentation and went back to sleep until 9:40, so Hell is thawing.

I had to leave at 10. And I had to shower. My hair looks gross.

I have one more final, and by final I mean brunch at my professors house in Boulder... quality education here.

One more tidbit: I've decided that Mike and I need pet names for each other. I don't like Pooh-Bear or Sweet Lips.

I chose Kevin.

I also chose Jennifer for me, but Mike didn't like it. He has yet to pick my name. Oh, Kevin.

My more interesting conversations of the day

This is the conversation that I had with Mike while I was leaving work.
ME: Hi, honey. I'm coming home.
MIKE: Um... did you see your brother's blog?
ME: No, why.
MIKE: Well... you should look at it.
ME: Why? Is it funny?
MIKE: Well... yeah.
ME: What? Is it bad?
MIKE: No... just surprising. You'll see.

This is the conversation I had when I got home from work.
ME: Hi honey!
MIKE: Hi...
ME: How was your day?
MIKE: Good, yours?
ME: Well, I jus-
MIKE: AJGotHisNipplePierced! (In a high, squeaky voice.)
ME: WHAT?!?!?!
MIKE: AJ got his nipple pierced.

This is the conversation I had with AJ when I promptly pressed number 6 on speed dial:
AJ: Hello.
ME: You-crazy-mother-[freaking]-nipple-pierced-freak!!!
AJ: Yeah, I don't care.

So, needless to say, my brother had an interesting day. Make sure that you read the comments, especially Dad's, and click on the links Mike posts in his comments.

I just worked, but got nothing pierced today. But there is always tomorrow.

I have a final tomorrow afternoon. I prepared in about 5 minutes. The test consists of 3.5 questions (the .5 is a list we have to make) that our professor told us during the last class. It's also open book and open note. I'm also taking it pass/fail. I should just go to that class drunk.

I'm going to go watch Sex and the City DVDs and go to bed. I haven't been to sleep before 1 AM in a few days, and I think that it's catching up to me. See what happens when you don't get enough sleep: your baby brother sticks a steel rod through his titties. Sorry... bosoms.

Besides, I need my rest for my big test tomorrow.

Something tells me other majors don't do this...

I had my last Senior Seminar today. The whole theme of the class this semester is Trauma and Memory, so needless to say, it's not the most uplifting stuff to talk about.
Each week we have discussion leaders. I, of course, was part of the last week (not by choice... it was a fluke). I like discussing things, but making up questions for people to discuss is really not my thing. The partner I had uses a lot of big words, and the questions she came up with had me wondering if we read the same book. I think that my brain is just completely fried.
The reading for today was about healing. Useful, judging that all of us are in need of some serious therapy following this class. However, my partner decided to open by reading an excerpt from an article about the day Emmit Till's mother had to identify her mutilated son's body...

Not exactly uplifting and hopeful...

I think that it sort of set an interesting tone for the session, because my questions ended up being a little less on the hopeful side, and a little more on the "How fucked up is this world we live in and there is no hope so let's all give up..."
I think my professor was a little upset.

As an ending to the semester, my professor had us do a ritual. Don't ask me what that means, because I had pretty much checked out by then.

We had to stand in a circle. I was scared we would have to hold hands, so I quickly tried to dry them as fast as possible, because my position as a discussion leader had left them sweaty and clammy. (I was always the girl in elementary school who got stuck with the boy who did not feel the need to wipe his sweaty hands before being paired with me for dance lessons or something. He was also the kid who wiped buggers on the back of his hand too... just a side note.)

Thankfully, there was no hand holding.

We stood in a circle and had to turn to the person on our right, one at a time, and say: So-and-so, I invite you into my space of resistance and affirmation. So my professor began: Josh, I invite you into my space of resistance and affirmation.

I forgot the kids name on my right...
Me: Hey!...
Guy: My name is Peter.
Me: I know! I was just trying to mix it up...
Peter: Yeah... whatever...
Me: Peter, I invite you into my space of... uh...
Girl Behind Me: Resistance and affirmation.
Me: I know... resistance and affirmation... Peter.

I don't think Peter likes me very much.

We then had to stand for a second and think of something in our life that we want to say "no" to. Some people said: I say "no" to fear... I say "no" to solving my problems with alcohol... I say "no" to self-doubt.

Me: I say "no" to hating myself.

We then had to take a deep breath, count to three, and say/scream, with passion and force, "NO!!!!" to that thing.

One, two, three... NO!

I should mention that one of the women in my class has a service dog (I'm not sure why... Joni, Mike and I came up with a scenario involving epilepsy, a torn ACL, social anxiety, and The Carver from Nip/Tuck), and this poor dog FREAKED OUT. He's this huge Mastiff mix, and the poor thing (who we invited into our space of resistance and affirmation) jumped into the middle of the circle (of resistance and affirmation), ears straight out, hair standing up on his back, and tail between his legs. Can you imagine...

DOGGY: Oh... it's so nice sleeping here in this lovely space of resistance and affirmation... what should I say when it's my turn to answer... well, mayb- WHAT THE HELL DID I DO???? WHY DID YOU ALL JUST SCREAM "NO" AT ME????

Ironic how our ritual to get past a semester of trauma and to begin healing caused this doggy severe, possibly lasting, trauma... sorry dude. (Mike says that this doggy is going to need a service dog of his own... Sophia?).

The next step of the ritual was to go around the circle and say "yes" to one thing that we want to let into our lives. Examples: I say "yes" to doing what makes me happy... I say "yes" to crossing boundaries and curiosity... I say "yes" to healing.

Me: I say "yes" to believing in myself.

One, two, three: YES!

DOGGY: Feminists are scary...

No Motivation

I have 14 minutes before my last class of the day starts. I have to go, because this is the last session before finals, but I don't want to. I have discovered that I have ZERO motivation to finish out my last week of classes or my last finals of college.
NO MOTIVATION...
It helps that one of my professors is allowing me (well... anyone who takes his class pass/fail... I don't get special treatment or anything) to blow off the final. YIPPEEEEE! Thank god, because that would have meant that I had to read about 350 pages this week. Now I can focus on procrastinating my other work.
I am starting to freak out about graduating, though. I've decided to make up answers when I get asked the million dollar question: What are you doing after graduation?
Yesterday my answer was firefighter. Over the weekend I said that I was going to be a madam in a feminist brothel... the possibilities are endless. I think I might start a pool and keep track of how many times I am asked that question in the next month. Big money could be made.
Well... I have 8 minutes left.
We watched the Nuggets game last night with Mike's cousin Billy. Diane joined us later. I was fascinated by this one guy whose facial hair made one continuous line around his face. It obviously took impeccable precision and steady grooming hands... it's the little things in the world of sports that tickle me.
Maybe that will be my answer today: Basketball player facial artist.
If only it were true...
Shit! I'm late for class...