Thursday, February 5, 2009

On My Own: Part Three (100th POST!!)

Oh my Brad... this is my 100th post!!


I am blogtastic!

(That will be my opening line tomorrow when I meet all of the other bloggers. I should have brought a marker so that I could add it to my business cards...)


So I gathered up my stuff and went downstairs and ran into this blogger and her adorable baby, and she told me that a bunch of people from the conference were putting together swag bags down the hall.

She was super sweet and said I could tag along, so I walked into the room with her and was greeted with about 2 dozen fellow bloggers.

Needless to say, although she was really nice to invite me, I just couldn't do it.

I froze up and spent the next 10 minutes wandering around the lobby trying to summon enough courage to go back into the conference room... but I ended up deciding to try and find some food, instead.

So I walked around outside and realized that the only business nearby is a Kaplan Career Services building.

(I figure that if I have some extra time on my hands I can swing by there and have them decide what I should do with my life...)

So I decided to be a coward and go back to my room to order room service.

(Apparently the only vegetarian meal that they have here in Tennessee is Eggplant Parmesan. Although it's a vegetable, I'm pretty sure deep frying the eggplant negates all health value.)

(But as a girl who has only eaten raisins and cherry sours all day, I'm not one to start lecturing the room service peoples...)

(And eggplant is pretty much only worth eating fried.)

When the room service man came in he said that I didn't have a lava lamp or a pet fish.

I was all, "um yeah... I left 'em at home... (*nervous laughter*)".

He then informed me that I could call the front desk and order a lava lamp or a pet fish.

So, as soon as he left I called Mike (for the 12th time in 3 hours... but this was the first time that I wasn't crying... so progress...) and told him that I could get my own lava lamp or rent-o-fish!

He asked me what I was going to get and I informed him that I didn't really feel comfortable ordering a lava lamp without a black light to go with it...

So I hung up and called the front desk.

Front Desk: This is Chad at the Front Desk, how may I help you?

Me: I was just informed that I could order a pet fish. (I sort of expect him to laugh at me and tell me that it was just a joke that the service staff play sometimes: Convince the Hotel Patrons to ask for Ridiculous Things - CTHPTAFRT for short.)

Front Desk: A pet fish? I'll check to see if we have any available and I will send one up. (How many other people in the hotel are as desperate for company as I am that their rent-o-fish supply is on backorder?)

I was SO excited that they weren't playing a prank on me and that I would have a new pet.

Soon, a nice lady delivered "George" to me.

He's a betta fighting fish (Mike informed me that they don't actually fight and I told him that if they had any extra I'd put them together to test the theory... maybe I'm not quite responsible enough to take care of George...) and red and so pretty. Honestly, "George" just doesn't quite cut it as the perfect fish name for such a beautiful creature.

Especially if he's mine (at least until Sunday).

He needs a sexy name... a little exotic...

Edward! Oh wait... this computer's name is Edward, so that doesn't work (don't want to cause any sort of Mac vs. fish rivalry)...

So I decide to name him "Desmond" because Desmond is one of the best LOST characters and he has a sexy accent... duh.

So I took a bunch of glamor shots of Desmond George McFishy (complete with feather boa) and was all excited to introduce him to the world (slash 25 people who read this blog)... when I noticed that the ONE computer component that I left at home was my camera card reader!

(Seriously? I bring my external hardrive, but I forget this...)

So, his true unveiling will have to wait.

(I think that the fried eggplant is helping... I feel much better. Plus there are reruns of Friends on the TV, which REALLY helps.)

On My Own: Part Two from TN

So when I woke up this morning I was SUPER nervous about this trip.

I was also SUPER angry at myself for not packing last night and instead watching LOST.

(Totally worth it, though.)

So I got up early to pack and was cussing out my bag because I couldn't fit all of my "essentials" in there.

Mike then repacked it and fit everything in there by pointing out that I did NOT need my three pound day planner...


He then drove me to the airport where I cried for no apparent reason except for the fact that I realized that I was ALL BY MYSELF.

It didn't help when I forgot to take the liquids out of my bag (rookie mistake) thus forcing an old man security guard to search my stuff.

(Thankfully he became convinced that I was a law abiding citizen before he went through all of my undies...)

I then had to go to stupid Concourse A which does not have the sandwich place that I like on Concourse B. So I bought 800 calories worth or trail mix and cherry sours as my breakfast.

When I got on the plane the flight attendant scolded me for having an oddly shaped bag that was not regulation size.

(Which is something you think someone could have told me at the half dozen checkpoints I had to go through since leaving the car...)

And then crazy lady sat across the aisle from me.

To avert any crisis (like me attacking crazy lady with my bag of cherry sours), I quickly asked the mean flight attendant if I could sit in the seat in front of me with the empty seat next to it.

(It wasn't all that necessary, as the woman sitting on the other side of the crazy lady was way more overtly rude than me, thus shutting crazy lady right the eff up.)

(Mean girls are sometimes good for something.)

Then, about half way through the flight the sleeping old man in my row offered me a stick of gum.

I thought how nice, and quickly stuck the stick-o-mint in my mouth.

Then I remembered that you are never supposed to take candy from strangers.

(See... I'm not meant to travel alone...)

So I started to think about if gum counts as candy... I mean, I never sit there and crave a nice, rich piece of gum to melt in my mouth... but it is sold in the candy section of the store.

During all of this I realized that I wasn't foaming at the mouth or anything else that might happen if I was being poisoned, so I just enjoyed my gum and went to sleep.

When I got to the airport I was looking for the shuttle to the hotel when a couple of nice men pointed out that I had to actually call the shuttle to have them pick me up.

So I called and was instructed to wait for a silver car. The same men who originally helped me pointed out what my ride was going to look like. They said it would be a silver van and it would have the hotel's name on it.

Well, at first I was a little offended. I mean, I'm competent and all, I could probably figure out which car was mine... right?

Well, I'm actually quite grateful because soon a silver SUV pulled up in front of me and had those men not just told me exactly what my van looked like I would have jumped up and climbed in the back of this poor man's Explorer.

Which would be awkward.

Especially when I would tell him to "step on it, already".

I finally get to the hotel and get into my room and... I completely lost it.

So I called Mike up blubbering like a baby about being completely overwhelmed and he calmed me down and told me it was OK.

Then I got off of the phone and had to physically restrain myself from ordering Twilight off of the in-room movie service to make myself feel better.

(Because Edward Cullen would totally help...)

So instead I decided to blog (which is just fine... I am at a blogging conference).

I should probably take Mike's advice and go to the front desk to find out a good place to eat.

I think I feel like this because of today's diet of yogurt, trail mix, and cherry sours.

And that can't be good.

On My Own: Part One

So I'm on my way to Nashville for BlissDom 09.

I have never been ANYWHERE all by myself, so I'm kind of freaking out.

But I'm distracting myself by blogging about this crazy lady sitting near me.

First, there are two men in the vicinity with a likeness to Santa Claus.

This woman has decided to tell EVERYONE about this (like we can't tell for ourselves)... including her husband, whom she called on the phone to have him talk to the Santa Claus look-alike. Seriously... she made this poor man with a beard talk to her husband on her cell phone.

Dear Lady,

He's not really Santa.


And then she told the people next to me that she is "sorta starting menopause so I'm all over the place with my hot flashes".


I think she just said that she's a therapist.

Brad help her clients.

Must board plane.

More when I get to TN.