Yay for YA

Yesterday I confessed something on twitter, and I feel the need to share it here, too.

I love young adult fiction.

There. I said it.

(Though if you've been paying attention to this blog, it's not really a secret.)

Harry Potter , The Twilight Saga , Percy Jackson and the Olympians , and The Hunger Games: all of these novels make me swoon. Make me happy. Make me sit on the couch for hours reading and wishing that I was a wizard who's parent is a Greek God and who has a beautiful vampire who will save me from the evil government that is trying to kill me in the Hunger Games.

I know I'm not the only one. We all have a guilty pleasure that makes us question our sanity. We all have something that we love, something that we feel a little weird sharing with others.

I admit that I feel a tiny bit ashamed to say that I'd much rather read a book written for a 14-year-old than a Jane Austen novel (unless it has zombies).

Shouldn’t I be reading something that’s full of words that I don’t know? Shouldn’t I be struggling through something written by a famous guy who died two centuries ago? Shouldn’t I be reading something that’s teaching me things other than the politics of werewolves and vampires, or the magical charm for unlocking a door?

Sure, often times I'm happy to pick up a book that's little more intellectual, a little more complicated, a little more appropriate for my age. But the truth is that I like to read for fun. I like to read to escape. I like to read because it's entertaining. I like to read to imagine. A lot of young adult fiction has all of this, and a lot of young adult fiction is written by amazing storytellers. And there's nothing wrong with liking that.

(Right?)

So, I'm asking you: what is your guilty pleasure. Is it trashy reality TV? Romance novels? Tabloid magazines? Justin Bieber?

You don't have to be ashamed. I won't make fun of you.

(At least not to your face.)

PS: If your guilty pleasure includes drama and awesomeness in the female blogging community, check out She Posts. I have a huge bloggy crush on the editor, Esther, and I'm running their twitter account. So why wouldn't you check it out?

Blurg: It's how I feel.

I am sick.

Have been since I got back from Blissdom.

That's almost TWO WEEKS.

(And I'm not the only one. Which means that there was obviously some sort of terrible germ bomb released during the conference.)

(Alert the officials.)

I lie in bed every morning, taking stock of how I feel, and think to myself "Today. Today I will feel better. Today I will walk the dogs. I will go to the gym. I will clean the house. I will be productive."

And then I realize that I can't breath through my nose.

So I take another shot of nasal spray.

(I should buy stock in the stuff.)

And then I sit up and cough up a lung.

And then I brush my teeth.

And then I have to lie down for a few minutes because standing up is hard.

And then I heat some water up for another cup of tea, pour another serving of orange juice, swallow another multivitamin, and watch a ridiculous amount of Law and Order: SVU.

(MARISKA HARGITAY.)

And although I am now qualified to solve some pretty fucked up crimes, I don't really think it's that productive.

(Depends on how you define "productive", I guess.)

(But really, if you need someone to solve some crazy-ass crime involving drag queens or strippers or guys with foot fetishes, I am ON IT.)

Yesterday I decided to not be sick anymore, so I took the dogs for a walk. This was partly to assert my control over this wretched illness, and mostly because Bonnie had that look in her eye that said "I know you're sick, mama, but if you don't get me out of here today, I will cut you."

And I went to class where I started to see dots because there is NO OXYGEN getting to my brain because my nose is trying to murder me through suffocation.

And I realized that I can't push it. I need to make peace with that fact that my body will heal in time.

But that's bullshit, so instead I'm sitting here, wallowing in self-pity, because that's how I role.

PS: I thought it would make me feel better to buy things, but I can't really leave the house. And I have no money. So I downloaded a million free books for my Kindle.

PPS: Most of the books that are $0.00 on Amazon for the Kindle are either classic novels or Christian romance novels.

PPPS: I don't know why either.

PPPPS: So I have a ridiculous amount of classic novels on my Kindle now. I may never read them, but I feel way smarter.

PPPPPS: Feeling "way smarter" does not make up for the fact that my right nostril has been stuffed up for 12 days, but today... my left is more stuffed up. The hell nose?

Best of 09: Christmas-y Edition

December 24th: Learning Experience. What was a lesson that you learned this year that changed you?

That I can do things that I didn't think I could do.

And? How to make BBQ Pulled Pork. It's changed my life.

December 25th: Gift. What's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?

I continued buying books. Even though I stopped buying many "luxury items" (like haircuts and eyebrow waxing... 2009 was not my *hottest* year), I kept getting myself books, because they make me so very happy.

Merry Christmas!

Best of 09: Shop

I have five dogs in my house right now. Five noisy, dirty, barking, far too energetic dogs. Plus, one of them figured out how to escape from the backyard, so they're currently being held hostage inside.

Needless to say, this puppy playgroup is making it hard to concentrate.

Therefore, this is going to be short and sweet.

December 18th: Shop. Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

Target (because we buy our food there) and various bookstores (because I'm a whore for books).

Holy motherfucking shit. A dog just barked on the TV.

Oh the insanity.

Best of 09: Favorite Book(s)

I'm kicking ass and taking names on this whole Best of 2009 Blog Challenge. I've made it two days, which is some sort of personal best.

I should get a medal... or a cookie.

At least a cookie.

December 4th: Book. What book - fiction or non - touched you? Where were you when you read it? Have you bought and given away multiple copies?

My goal for this year was to read 50 books. I am on my 43rd.

(Therefore, December is also dubbed "Don't bother Ally because she has a god damn goal to finish".)

The books that I've read this year have varied from classics and great works of literature to overrated best-sellers and trashy fantasy.

My favorite? I can't list one. Thankfully, I've kept track of all of the books that I've read since January 1st, so I'll list the ones that stand out to me the most.

Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl - This is a book that I've thought a lot about. I didn't love it at first, but it's grown on me a lot.

Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster - I finished this book at Blissdom, hours before I actually met Jen. It was a hilarious book, and my copy now holds a note from the author herself.

Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons - I'm a twelve year old boy.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith - AWESOME. It's romantic and full of zombie killing mayhem. What could be bad?

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins - I read The Hunger Games in 2008 and it instantly earned a spot on my "favorite books of all time" shelf. This year, the sequel, Catching Fire, came out, so I read them both. Sooooo good.

The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning - These books are kept in the romance section at the bookstore, so if you see someone ducking into that section with sunglasses, an over sized parka and a wig, it might be me. But shame cannot keep me from these trashy sci-fi stories.

The Twilight Saga - 1) Since 2007, I've read the series four times (only once this year). 2) It's still awesome. 3) TEAM EDWARD. 4) Duh.

I'm in the process of finishing The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. It's absolutely amazing and certainly earns a spot on this list.

These books have been given as gifts, shared with family and friends, blogged about, or discussed in front of a hundred fellow geeks.

Now leave me alone... I have a New Year's Resolution to finish up.

Obsessed

You might be a tad obsessed with Harry Potter if:

1) Your boyfriend asks you where you want to walk the dogs and you say, "We should take Hannah to the Quidditch field to run around".

2) You start calling your Golden Retriever "Hermione"... by accident. (True story.)

3) You break people into two different categories: "Friends" and "Slytherines".

4) You watch the last 20 minutes of "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" so that you won't miss a minute of the premier of "HBO's First Look: Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince".

5) You say "Lumos" whenever you flip the lights on.

If you are showing any or all of these symptoms...

You are awesome.

PS: There was no Fit or Fail post last week because my brother returned from a year abroad, and celebrating that was way more important that Fit or Fail.

PPS: There won't be a Fit or Fail post tomorrow as I have spent the last week SICK, therefore my workouts this past week have been loading the dishwasher and taking a shower. (Both of these activities resulted in a massive jump in my heart rate and a subsequent nap...)

A Lawn Story

Yard work has never really been my forte.

When I was younger my dad told me to mow the lawn on the rider mower. I tried to tell him that this was a bad idea but he insisted that I was being over dramatic so I had to do it anyway.

It was terrifying but I did it and I even managed to make all of these pretty zigzag patterns in the grass.

(Driving one of those things in a straight line is HARD, y'all.)

Dad was not pleased and that was the last time that I was asked to use the rider mower.

(Not that I'm complaining. Being 15 and having one less chore is pretty much awesome.)

Now I have my own lawn to mow. And today was the first day this season that I did it.

Because of all of the rainy weather we've had over the past month our lawn was in desperate need of a shave.

The last thing Mike told me before he left for work was to not mow over the hose.

So I was a good yard worker and I went to move the hose before I forgot. But the hose was all covered in leaves and I was CONVINCED that there was a snake living in there. I got this vision of me reaching down for the hose and accidentally grabbing a snake and it freaked me out... so there's a patch around the hose of really long grass...

And then I ran over a ladybug. It was like slow motion where I was moving the lawn mower and I saw the ladybug RIGHT as I gave a big push and I was like "NOOOOOoooooooo" and I moved the mower and couldn't find the poor thing... I want to say that it flew away or burrowed into the ground, but I'm pretty sure that I'm actually a murderer and I just have to live with that.

Later I saw another ladybug flying and I was like "OH SHIT... what if that's the dead (murdered) ladybug's significant other... or a relative... or what if they were best friends who had a pact that if neither one of them had mated by the time they were 2 weeks old they'd give it a go together..."

So then I just felt depressed.

I'm pretty sure that's the only creature I killed, though.

I think...



The lawn looks nice now, and that's what's really important.

Except for that's kind of a lie because it doesn't actually look that good. For being such an organized person I have a very sporadic approach to mowing grass. I guess I'm just a fan of fun patterns because I have all of these swirly lines across my lawn and even though it looks pretty it's not exactly what I imagined.

I would mow a little for awhile and then turn around to see that I had missed a scalene triangle of grass without me actually noticing. So I had to go back and then I'd notice that some of the grass was still wet so it just went flat and wasn't actually cut... so it'll be interesting to see how that looks once it dries.

At one point I realized that I had given my lawn a mohawk (completely on accident). It was super punk rock but, let's face it, a mohawk is a tad cliche now, plus I don't think the landlord would appreciate it.

So now it sort of looks like Homer Simpson's head... mostly bald except for a few spots with about 3 stray hairs...

Awesome.

AND... the hoses were not run over.

Mission? Accomplished.

(PS: If you need a great read for the summer, Jen Lancaster's new book came out yesterday! Pretty In Plaid is sure to be full of laughs and pure awesomeness... AND it's about the 80s (aka The Decade Ally B Began to Exist and Therefore the Most Magical of All Decades... plus there was great music...) So go get it.)

Regression

I just finished The Watchmen.

That's right. I read a comic book.

Sorry... it's called a "graphic novel"...

(Don’t want any hate mail from men who live in their mother’s basements.)

(OK… bring the hate mail on…)

(Though who are we kidding? It's a comic book.)

And you know what?

It was AMAZING.

See, I’m a fan of superhero movies.

Batman? Too cool.

The X-Men movies? 100% bad-ass.

And you can bet that I’ll be there the day Wolverine opens.

So, I was very excited to see the previews for The Watchmen:



Now, even though I love the movies, I’ve never read the comic books slash graphic novels slash I don't care what you call them.

But The Watchmen intrigued me because it is on Time Magazine's 100 Best English-Language Novels from 1923 to the Present.

(That's kind of a long title for a list.)

(I would change it to: Read This Because We’re Time Mother-Fucking Magazine and We Said So…)

(Which I see is a tad longer than the original.)

(But I find my title way more evocative.)

(Note that Harry Potter didn't make it on the list... bad Time Magazine...)

So I decided to read it.

And I LOVED it. Seriously… it was like totally AWESOME-O.

And I can’t wait to see the movie.

But reading a "graphic novel" makes you evaluate yourself.

I mean, I was reading a book that has an audience of mostly twelve-year-old boys.

So I have decided that since I enjoyed it so much I must actually be a twelve-year-old boy.

And therefore, I should embrace this and accept myself as the pre-pubescent teenage male that I obviously am.

So I’ve decided to do other “twelve-year-old-esque” things…

I’ve started hiding dirty magazines under my mattress.

I put up a picture of Ashley Tisdale on the ceiling above my bed, because she is, like, as hot as Superman's laser vision.

SHIIIIIIIIIIT, she is HOTTTTT...

And I hate my parents because they JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!

And I only eat Hot Pockets because, um, it is like, uh, a meal in a pocket.

And when The Watchmen comes out I’m going to tell my folks that I’m going to Jimmy’s house, and Jimmy is going to tell his parents that he’s going to my house, and then we’re going to go to the movie theater on our bikes and we’ll buy tickets for Hotel for Dogs because we’re not old enough to buy tickets for The Watchmen but then we’ll sneak into The Watchmen and if they try and ask us where our tickets are we’ll say that we lost them and if they ask for our IDs we’ll go all ninja on their asses.

It’ll be SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK.

OK.

Later, yo.

The Fast Track to Thin

*Somehow this ended up on MommyBlips.com. I don't know why, or how, but I'm very happy to be there!*

I feel that it is my responsibility and duty to offer insight and tips to the world... well, at the very least to all of you, my avid readers. And so, I have decided to share my advice on a subject that I feel very strongly about.

I, like many other women in the world (and some men, I would guess), am always looking for a super quick way to drop some pounds.

Sure, I know the equation: move more + eat less = lose weight... but I want results NOW.

(Plus I am the laziest person on the planet and I LOVE to eat... which really makes the above equation... well... useless to me.)

Also, I would prefer to do without ordering frozen meals from those companies on television... I don't care how good that fettuccine is, or that you can have chocolate every day, and I really don't care how much weight Marie Osmond lost. Plus, if I'm paying for something to be delivered to my door, it'll be a pretty new purse, not frozen dinners, thankyouverymuch.

So, to ponder my desire to be thin, I headed over to my favorite Chinese restaurant because sometimes you just need some fried rice.

(I know going to a restaurant to eat fried rice is kind of counter-intuitive if you want to ponder weight loss... but just go with me.)

(And I had already gone to the gym that day!)

(Plus, they have awesome Soy Beef with Broccoli.)

(That's right. SOY beef... holla to the vegetarians!)

So I'm sitting there, enjoying my meal and reading Confessions of a Shopaholic, when I realize that I'm actually getting quite full.

And I've been sitting there for about ten minutes and all of my food is NOT already gone. In fact... I have more than half of my rice still on the plate!

(I should probably point out that I tend to finish meals in about five or so minutes... did I mention that I like food?)

Anyway, I'm wondering why this is happening... and then it hits me: I'm using chopsticks.

And I suck at using chopsticks.

And I've read that it takes your brain a few minutes to actually register that it's full, so if you slow down you're supposed to eat less...

And the chopsticks are definitely making me slow down... and therefore my brain is actually registering that I'm full!

And it ended up taking so long to eat that I had to pack it up to take home!

(Though that was only half because I was full... it's also super boring eating by yourself, even with a good book, so I wanted to leave. But the point is still the same: it took a long time to eat.)

And so, my valuable advice to all who want to drop some weight?

Eat with chopsticks! And not just your Chinese food or your sushi... EVERYTHING!

Pizza would be harder to eat if you had to use chopsticks, thus making you eat less... or at least making you take more time to eat, and therefore allowing your noggin to register that you're satisfied.

Ice Cream would be tough, too.

And Oreos! Think about trying to pull the cookies apart to lick the cream out with two sticks!

Ah well... just an idea.

Someone tell me if it works... I really don't have the patience to try it myself.

Oh, and if you grew up using chopsticks or you're really good at it... then this might not work as well for you as it is for someone like me, who is chopstick challenged. Maybe try eating with some limp spaghetti noodles for the same benefits.

Also, I feel that I should share with all of you that I just found out that I graduated 5th in my major's class. Sure, it's out of only 28 kids... in the easiest major... but it probably explains why I have such fabulous and smart ideas like this.

For the Love of Jen

I made it through BlissDom '09!

For those of you who don't know, BlissDom was a conference for women who blog and was held in Nashville, TN.

(This means about 300 women (mostly Mommy Bloggers) descended on one tiny hotel in Nashville... and half of them were either preggers or holding a new baby... so hormones were a-flyin.)

(I felt left out and wanted to carry Desmond George McFishy around with me, but the hotel did not have a stroller for him... which is just sad...)

To read all about my adventures there, please click here.

The experience taught me a lot about blogging and increasing readership, but it taught me more about myself.

Like how I CAN go somewhere all by myself. (Even if I do call my boyfriend seventy-billion times... sometimes sobbing... oh well...)

Like how I CAN face my fears over meeting people. (Especially with the help of pharmaceuticals! Woohoo!)

Like how I CAN do something that terrifies me. (Again... thank you drugs!)

(See... don't you want to know what I'm talking about? Then you should have clicked there.)

But, most of all...

It taught me that Jen Lancaster kicks even more ass than I originally thought.

Jen Lancaster is one of my favorite authors.

Why?

Because she's hilarious and she isn't afraid to tell it like it is... and she drops the f-bomb a lot, (which I'll admit pretty much guarantees her a little piece of my heart).

She started as a blogger (which she continues today), and then turned her story into three memoirs (her fourth is released this spring).

So I love her even more because she has done what I can only hope to do at some point in my life.

Jen was on a panel at the conference about how to get a book deal, and she gave a fabulous keynote speech.


What I loved most was how gracious and patient she was. She stopped to talk to every single person who wanted an autograph, picture, or to just say hi. And she didn't just shake your hand and walk off, she was very engaging and willing to talk.

It was very exciting to see how down-to-earth she is...

And it makes me feel a little silly for spending so much time at the conference stalking her.

It wasn't scary stalking or anything... it was more me trying to work up the balls to actually go and talk to her.

And involved taking secret pictures of her...


(That's her on the right... upper-right... the one with only her nose and hair showing... I never said they were GOOD stalker photos. I was afraid that if I actually pointed the camera at her she'd see me and then I'd... throw my drink at her and run away...)

(It's always a possibility...)

ANYWAY... I love her... a lot.

And you will too.

So order her books now.

I'll even make it easy for you:

(Her titles are amazing, so I've included them as further enticement for you to get the books...)

Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office



Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?


Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer



Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egomanical, Self-Centered Smart Ass Phase (out this Spring)



Seriously. Go. Order them. And laugh your ass off. Because couldn't we all use a laugh once in awhile?

(I mean... other than from this blog...)

(Oh, and I'm not the official president of Jen Lancaster's fan club or anything (though that would be AWESOME...), but I really enjoy her writing and want to spread the love. Plus, I think that it's important to support bloggers-turned-authors, even if they are already famous.)

Distractions

I'm sitting in a coffee shop / ice cream emporium and I'm trying not to eat ice cream.

I actually used to work here.

Sometimes I liked it. Sometimes I hated it.

All in all it was a lot like every job out there.

I said that I quit because I didn't like management and because I was getting dicked over by not being promoted and therefore given a much deserved raise... but another huge reason that I left was because I was gaining about 2 pounds a week.

(And I seemed to be the only one who was gaining weight. Seriously. ALL of the girls who worked with me looked like Barbie with Bulimia. It SUCKED.)

(Oh my Brad... some guy just ordered a Waffle Cone (homemade) with Carmel Oreo and Carmel Brownie Blast... My whole mouth just filled with saliva... (over the thought of the ice cream... not the dude... just thought I'd clarify).)

And so I decided (with much encouragement from my mother) to not work at this place anymore.

But I've been coming here a lot because it's usually empty during the day, there's free wifi, and plenty of tables so that I don't have to share my personal space with a hippie taking espresso shots and reading Marx.

(Which happens in other, smaller coffee shops all of the time.)

(Sorta...)

But, you would think that I should just leave. Go home. Remove myself from the Banana Carmel Crunch (my personal fave), the Mint Oreo, and the (new!) Pumpkin Fudge Swirl.

But alas, here I am... living vicariously through the wave of customers that have just entered.

(No! Don't get the lemon gelato! Butterfinger is the way to go!)

(A CAKE cone?? What are you? Five? Oh wait... you are five. Never mind...)

I tried to distract myself by reading my current book, Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl.

(It's a novel... not a textbook. When Mike got it for me last Christmas I thought he had given me a non-fiction book about physics and I was about to yell at him for "not knowing me at all!"... but it's a novel... so he does know me.)

This is one of those books, though, that takes an amazing amount of actual thought.

I'm a real big fan of reading books that you can just sort of fall into. Books that you don't have to try too hard with.

(Enter The Twilight Saga)

But Pessl has written a book that just screams that she is WAY smarter than me.

Lots of references to books I've never read/heard of and movies I've never seen/heard of.

Don't get me wrong. I like it a lot. It's just a little slow... and long (500 plus pages)... and it's really not doing the trick in distracting me from a scoop of Birthday Cake ice cream.

(It tastes like frosting!!)

And so I took Edward out and am now trying to distract myself by rambling about ice cream flavors (Junior Mint!) and smart people.

(And I am now trying not to hate these three girls behind me who "just can't take another bite of this Death By Chocolate!" HATE!!)

(OK... maybe I should just leave... before I do something that I'll regret...)

Quote from a New Vampire

From You Suck: A Love Story by Christopher Moore (2007).

"I'll always be the same?"
"Yes."
"Just like I am now?"
"As far as I know," Jody said.
"But I was going to start working out. I was going to be buff. I was going to have abs of steel."
"No, you weren't."
"I was. I was going to be an awesome hunk of muscular man-meat."
"No, you weren't. You wanted to be a writer. You were going to have little stick arms and get winded when you hit the back-space key more than three times consecutively..."
...
"What about the writer thing? Will my brain always be like this? I mean, will I get any smarter, or is that stuck in time, too?"
"Well, yeah, but that's because you're a man, not because you're a vampire." (pg 8)

I feel like this is the type of conversation Mike and I would have if we were to join the undead.

Book Nerd

As I try to figure out what the next step in my life is, I think that it is important to try and budget a little.

(My understanding is that you can't spend whatever you want if you don't have a, you know, income.)

I'm actually pretty good about not spending too much, but it's probably a good idea to evaluate what's allowed right now.

I have to have enough money for the essentials: shelter, groceries, electricity, and the medicine for the doggies (I keep telling Hannah that she's the one with the allergies, so she should really stop being lazy and get a job to pay for them).

And I have to cut out the non-essentials: eating out (at least I need to cut back), makeup, and professional eyebrow waxes (which means I might end up looking like Bert from Sesame Street, or I'll turn into one of those ladies who has to draw on her own eyebrows with a crayon... either way, please don't point and laugh).

Again, I don't waste my money, but my biggest downfall are usually accessories (sure, they're usually from Target, but they add up), but I CANNOT get any new purses (like this, or this).

(Which will make Mike very happy, as I lost the ability to house any more purses in our closet about a year ago... although I'm sure I could make space, Santa.)

Ok, the point of all of this is that I ran into some trouble when breaking purchases down into "essential" and "non-essential".

BOOKS.

I know that I should stop buying new, beautiful, exciting books. I know that I should just go to the library, or borrow books from friends and family, or, you know, read the dozens of unread books that are already on the bookshelf.

But I have this thing where I LOVE having my own books. I don't mind buying used books; as long as I can keep the book when I finish it, then I'm happy.

And everytime I finish a book, there are about three new books that I want to read.

I love being able to look at my beautiful bookshelf (designed and built by Mr. Michael) and seeing all of my little accomplishments lined up in a nice, alphabetized row.

I love being able to write the month and year that I finished a book on the first inside page (I think that libraries frown on such a thing).

I love seeing all of the series that I love lined up on the bottom shelf, with their corresponding covers looking so pretty in a group together.

I love being able to have a favorite book at my fingertips, ready for me to read again (and again... and again).

So: do I keep buying books? Do I dare to keep entering into the bookstores, knowing very well that I really won't leave without at least one purchase?

Well, yes.

I think that you have to treat yourself once in awhile. Sure, I'll limit myself, but I figure that buying books is a way better vice than purchasing designer shoes or lattes everyday.

All of this speaking about books makes me want to tell you all about a couple of AWESOME books that I read in New Zealand. I didn't get to read as much as I usually do on vacation. I guess Dad and AJ like to actually, like, do stuff rather than sit around reading. This is very different than what Mike and I do on vacation. Maybe that's because Mike and I usually can't afford to really do anything when we travel on our own... or maybe we're just nerds... lazy nerds.

I'm not complaining, though. It was nice to be able to actually get up and see the country!

Anywhozit, I had the privilege of reading some books that are now new favorites.

But first, some books that I read that were good, but did not make it to the coveted "favorite list".

I read the third and fourth books in the Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris. They were good, very entertaining. I really like the series, so that's good (though none of them are as good as the first book in the series: Dead Until Dark ... and in terms of vampire series, The Twilight Saga is still the best... obviously).

I also read A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin. Truth be told, I didn't really like this book (sorry AJ, since it's one of his faves). I mean, it's just not my kinda style or story. The thing that I find fascinating about these kind of books, though, is how much creativity the author has to create a story like that. It's a fantasy, and the first book in a series, so she had to create so many names and places and creatures, and I find that incredible. So I'm glad that I read it so that I could see how an author creates a story (always learning!).

Now, I said that I read some AMAZING books that are now on my all time favorite list.


First is The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I read about this book on Stephenie Meyer's website (I check it everyday because I am an obsessed loser... and kinda a stalker... not really... I think). She loved it so much that she posted her review of it on her homepage, so I went and bought it. It's been sitting on my self for awhile, and I decided to finally take it with me on this trip.

This was the BEST BOOK EVER. It was crazy good. Like I couldn't stop reading it. And I thought about it long after I finished it. It was an extremely well written story about growing up in the most horrific of circumstances.

Seriously, so good!!

Oh, and you should be warned that the book is classified as "young adult". Don't let the label discourage you - some of the BEST books ever written are in that section (enter The Twilight Saga and Harry Potter ). Plus, that means they're easy as pie, which we all need once in awhile.


The other book that is now on my favorite list is called Slam and it is by the one and only Nick Hornby. He is by far one of the best writers out there (High Fidelity, anyone?), and Slam did not disappoint. I actually found this book at the bookstore with my dad. He too is a Hornby fan, so in an effort to secure my spot as winner of the Best Daughter of All Time award, I got the book for him. Of course, this was with the understanding that I could read it after him...

The book is hilarious and touching and you feel like you really are in the mind of a 15-year-old British kid.

So, those are my reviews and suggestions for the holiday season. If you follow my advice and read The Hunger Games and Slam, I hope you enjoy them. And if you don't follow my advice... then you suck.

Not really.

Well... only kinda.

(See how I was able to write another (long) post without actually writting about my trip? Don't get me wrong, it was an awesome trip and I want to share, but, as I said yesterday, it's a bit overwhelming to write about 16 days of activity... but soon, I promise.)

Getting Back to Business...

And by business, I mean finally getting to see Twilight


Sure, I just returned from the magical land of Kiwis and sheep, but there's just so much to write about that experience, so I'm just going to talk about Twilight


(It's called an "artistic process"... also known as "procrastination".)

If you don't know what The Twilight Saga is, or you know what it is, but don't care, then don't read this.

Instead, just go buy the damn books and then go see the movie.

And then read this.

Seriously.

Go.

Actually, really, if you don't like Twilight, then this post is pretty worthless to you.

And now that I have alienated most of my readership, let us continue.

I've heard pretty dreadful things about the movie. Most of my friends emailed me in NZ to tell me that the movie was a total let down. (And by "most of my friends", I mean two... which means all of my friends emailed me about it... *tear*.)

Therefore, my expectations were pretty darn low going into the theater.

I mean, I never expected the movie to be AWESOME. It's like the Harry Potter movies. NONE of them are GREAT (though they are getting much better... and the sixth one looks extremely promising...), but I love them. They're entertaining as hell, and they're fun. I always laugh and cry and forget about all the shit going on in the world during those hours in the theater... And isn't that what movies are supposed to do... let you escape?

But, because of the crappy reviews and all, I walked in thinking it would be pretty awful... maybe even painful. I was scared that the film would be SO BAD that it would just end up ruining one of my most favoritist books of all time.

Well... in a nutshell...

It was not THAT BAD. It was even, dare I say, good. Like, I really liked it.

Maybe it's just because my expectations were SO low, but I thought that it was really fun and entertaining and way better than I thought it would be.

Sure, it's not going to win any awards.

Sure, some of it was really cheesy and all, but if you stop and think about it, it's a cheesy-ass story anyway.

Sure, it wasn't as good as the book, but that never happens (except for maybe High Fidelity... both the movie and the book are amazing). I think that they actually did a very good job putting together a nice and cohesive movie out of a 500+ page novel.

And sure, the acting was kinda iffy. But, overall, I think that the actors did very well.

Robert Pattinson was, um, gorgeous, and I think that he did a good job portraying Edward in all his smoldering-crazy-overreacting-Godlike-glory.

Kristin Stewart was actually a very good Bella. Yes, she was kinda aloof in some scenes, but overall, she was much better than I thought she would be.

And the other characters did pretty well (especially Bella's friends at school and Charlie). EXCEPT for Alice and Jasper. They were just weird and awkward and funny looking (these are supposed to be the most amazingly beautiful creatures on the planet, and they were just... not...).

So, overall, I was not disappointed.

And yes, I'll probably see it again.

And yes, I'll buy it on DVD.

So, for those of you who don't have any idea what I am talking about... you should. But if you really have no interest in this stuff, then you'll be happy to know that I actually have "real" stuff to write about later.

I do have a life.

Sure... it's schooless and jobless and, lately, has revolved around my obsession with a fictional vampire man... but I promise I'll write about other stuff.

Important stuff.

Like how super cute Bonnie and Hannah are.

And Michael's beard.

And said beard's implications and consequences in our relationship.

And how I need a job... during a recession...

And how I'm considering bangs.

See... very important stuff.

All in good time, my friends... all in good time.

Battle Scars (Mental and Physical)

Today I heard some very disturbing things.

My boss said that her aunt can't believe that Obama is allowed to run for president... because he is not a US citizen.

That's right, she didn't think that Hawaii was in the United States.

Scarier still: her aunt was a public school teacher for 35 years.

Um yeah... that pretty much sums up why I stay up late at night nursing the ulcer that this election has given me.

Because this country is full of stupid people.



Now if only I could convince one of those stupid people to buy my damn Madonna tickets... preferably for more than their worth.

Oh, my elbows hurt from holding my books up to read.

Yep... I am reading so much that I am sustaining injuries...

This must be how people with old football injuries feel...

And AJ suggested that I get a hobby... and then suggested archery.

Dude, if I suffer from "reader's elbow", I'm thinking I should probably stay away from bows and arrows.

Actually, weaponry of all kinds should probably be off-limits.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to lie in a bathtub full of ice...

I wish I had a Birthday Every Month... Without Getting Any Older, Of Course...

Yesterday was one of those uber exciting and exhausting days.

It was my fake-birthday!

Happy fake-birthday to me!

My birthday present from Mikey was a day in Denver. So, we got tickets to the Last Comic Standing tour for last night, and dedicated the whole day to couple activities.

So we slept in, then went to Lucille's. It was Friday morning and there were a million people there. It was a 40 minute wait. "Why are all of these people here on a work day?" I asked myself... is it everyone's fake birthday today? Don't you people have jobs? (Side note: Yes, I have a job, but I was responsible and took PTO... it's my fake-birthday people.)

And then we heard them talk. Turns out most of them are Texans (dundunduh!) in for the game with CU. Who travels for a college football game? Do you seriously have enough time and money to infest our cute little city with your families?

It makes no sense to me...

Maybe I'm a little bitter, because they all got in the way of me and my food.

And that is so not OK.

So we finally battled it out with the Texans (dundunduh!) and were seated. And ate WAY TOO MUCH. I have this problem where I can't not eat too much. I think that it is a psychological/physical condition that should be listed in medical books. They could call it the Ally B Over-eatin syndrome...

They should do an episode of Grey's Anatomy about me...

So I ate beignets and giant biscuits and potatoes and eggs and grits and jam and spiced tea...

And my tummy hurt really badly.

But it was SO good.

The waitress kept asking if we wanted half-orders of our stuff.

Silly waitress... I am practically a professional at eating a lot.

Half-orders are for small-stomached sissy boys....

Then we walked along Pearl Street to try to work off some of the 5500 calories that I had just consumed.

I was able to get my ring cleaned, since I'm pretty sure small creatures were living in the setting and grits were stuck to the gems...

Then we went home where Mike studied google maps for about 30 minutes so that we could avoid any fist fights while trying to get to Denver.

It was really fun: we drove in circles looking for free parking... we went to the Denver Art Museum... Mike acted like a child and stuck his face about two inches away from the paintings, causing security guards to follow us around exhibits (for his explanation about why he does this, see this)... my blood sugar dropped so I started to panic and we had to run to Mad Greens to get some food in me before I passed out... then we walked all the way to Tattered Covers bookstore (about a mile).

I know it sounds like I'm complaining about it... but it really was A LOT of fun!


Now, we love bookstores, and from what I've heard, Tattered Covers is the best one around. But both Mike and I were left wanting more. It was cool and all, but they had NONE of the books that I wanted... or the books that Mike wanted... so their selection was crappy, to say the least.

Then we both had really bad tummy aches... I wonder why?

So we went and had tea and muffins for dinner before the show.

Then the security guards at the theater made us chug said tea out on the street because it was not allowed inside. They also told me I couldn't bring our muffin in, so I had to stuff it in a zippered pocket and cover it with tampons so that the male security guard would get uncomfortable and not ask any questions...

We got the muffin in.

The show was fun. We laughed a lot. I was sitting next to a woman who was there with her
twenty something daughter and her daughter's boyfriend. The woman kept turning to her daughter every thirty seconds and yelling, "What did he say?" or "I don't get it"...

It wasn't annoying at all... nor was the fact that she was a heavy mouth breather...

Then we came home and I collapsed in bed...

All in a fake-birthday's day...

Thanks, Kev... it was wonderful (picture a smiley face icon... I would do one, but it looks stupid...).

To Ktel and Back

It's been exactly one month since my last post...

Well, you can all breath again: I'm back from sabbatical.

Anywho, I have not written anything sooner because the whole cloud of GREECE has been hanging over my head and is just too overwhelming. I keep waiting to be struck with a sense of purpose and inspiration. I then thought, screw it. If I'm really a writer, than I should just write.

So this may not actually be about Greece... there's so much to talk about. Maybe I'll just start with some highlights.

- It's hard going to a country where the alphabet is different. I can see than this restaurant has Delta Nu Epsilon Pi for breakfast... but I can't even sound it out, yet alone pretend to know what it is. Thankfully, though, they have most things in English, too. I think that it would be weird living in a country where billboards have a combination of alphabets... but I guess you would get used to it.

- In Crete they give you this alcohol called Raki for free after dinner. It's the kind of booze that hits you in the spine when it goes down and leaves your lips tingling. I decided that it's the STD of the alcohol world: It's free and leaves a burning sensation. (Thanks to all who helped me with that definition... you know who you are.) Write that down.

- Mike told me that he is glad for me that I found him because he is so attractive and my past relationships have been with men who were not nearly as cute as him. He thinks that he adds a lot of credibility to my taste. So, thanks, Kevin.

- I had a fungus under my toenail (I know... too much info), and I got black sand from Santorini stuck in it. It's like a cheap souvenir... and I am a bargain shopper.

- We had to be in a hotel that did not have a shower head holder... so we had to hold the shower head while we bathed. And there was no shower curtain, so I also washed to trashcan, sink, toilet, and floor. We thought that maybe it was a culture thing. Then we walked past an open window to another bathroom... and there was a shower curtain. Damn.

- When Mike washed his clothes in the sink he made washing machine noises.

- I read. A lot. That's what we do. See Recently Finished if you are interested.

- The only television that they have over these that is in English (with Greek subtitles) is Beverly Hills, 90210 and Baywatch. SO, this trip was fun and educational. I learned how ugly Tori Spelling was and how dreamy David Hasslehoff was and why he was obviously responsible for the fall of the Berlin Wall. College schmollege.

- You can only eat so many Greek salads, moussaka, and frappes... but you can never have too much Fanta.

- BUSES/KTELS SUCK!! I don't want to go on another bus ride for a long time. Read Mike's posts for the details, but you heard it here: Ktel=Hell. And they smell. Oh well.

- Regardless of what anyone might expect about two people spending three weeks together non-stop, I still like Mike. In fact, this trip just proved to me that we are meant to be together forever... especially since he's so very attractive.

I'll probably think of other things to write about... but for now, that's all about Greece.

Now, for the important part.

The fourth and final book in the The Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn came out the day before we returned. I was talking about it the entire trip; I even used some of our most expensive internet time to check Meyer's website.

So, after customs in Atlanta, we booked it (haha... no pun intended) to a store to buy the book.

After that... it was a lost cause. Mike couldn't talk to me... I wouldn't let him. Not on the plane ride home, not for the next 24 hours. Now I feel kinda bad because he needed some attention on the plane because he didn't feel good... but I was in too deep.

I LOVED it... so that is all I'll say... except that I heart Edward and Bella.

OK, that's it.

Really.

Other than that, nothing has really happened. Oh! We went out to dinner the other night, and as we were getting up Mike said, "Are you going to be OK in the rain, baby?"

I was so touched, and I said in an equally sappy voice, "Oh, I'll be OK, thanks, sweetie."

He wasn't talking to me.

He was talking to his camera bag...

Again, at least he's attractive.

Dork.

Is that Fried Tofu in your Lap, or are you Just Happy to See Me?

Today was a crappy day. One of those days where I wish I could just go back to sleep for a few hours and then start the day over again.

I was just depressed all day. Everything was making me sad and I wanted to go home.

Plus it was Friday... and it went so slow...

But that all changed when I met my family for dinner.

I must admit that I was not exactly looking forward to this, because I was in such a shitty mood... but my family rarely, if ever, lets me down.

It was AJ's last day as an official Sushi Tora employee, so we took full advantage of his sushi knowledge and employee discount.

It was Tora-rific. We had some awesome food and an awesome time.

We talked about important things, like how to be a successful business woman (it's all about the cleavage), and what sound tuna sushi makes when it's about to be eaten (much like a horse).

I also almost burned a hole in my mouth. AJ ordered me some deep fried tofu (which immediately negates any and all healthiness about said tofu), and I took a huge bite of it. My eyes started to tear and I was afraid that I was going to choke.

I conspicuously spit it into my napkin and held it in my lap. It was so hot that it created a steam pocket on my jeans. It was sad.

I then told them about it about 20 minutes later...

AJ got me a new napkin. Good guy.

So the night was great!

Especially dessert.

Yeah, whoever decided to fry bananas is a saint. Again... all healthiness was negated in the banana.

God bless the deep fryer.

Other little tidbits from the night:

- My dad got some convertible pants (the ones that zip off on the bottom to create shorts). We decided that these are the mullet of the fashion world. Party on the top, business on the bottom.

- When we got the bill, it became clear that the restaurant had comp'd a whole lot of our meal. While my family was oohing and ahhing about how sweet that was, I asked what else we could get for free (they were all thinking it). So I looked at the sushi bar, and saw a whole octopus tentacle. So I said, "Maybe we could get a tentacle..." And then the next part came out without me even thinking about it: "...so we could slap homeless people with it." I was laughing so hard as it was coming out that AJ thought that I was going crazy. My silly mind works in very mysterious ways.

- I convinced my brother to go to my cousin's baptism with us on Sunday. Mom said that he should go so that he could see the family before he leaves for NZ, but I told him that he should go to see if the holy water burns a whole in Dad's skin.

I am now going to read. I finished all of The Twilight Saga already, so my will to read is temporarily shot. I must go on, though.

I read something on Jennifer Weiner's website. She has a whole section for people who want to be writers, and this is something that I have taken to heart (although I've always believed this... but she words it well):

Read everything. Read fiction and non-fiction, read hot best sellers and the classics you never got around to in college. Read men, read women, read travel guides and Harlequins and epic poetry and cookbooks and cereal boxes, if you're desperate. Get the rhythm of good writing in your ears. Cram your head with characters and stories. Abuse your library privileges. Never stop looking at the world, and never stop reading to find out what sense other people have made of it. If people give you a hard time and tell you to get your nose out of a book, tell them you're working. Tell them it's research. Tell them to pipe down and leave you alone.

Granted, this is the piece of advice that requires the least amount of actual hard work... but you gotta start somewhere.

Do Vampires have Cooties?

I just finished Twilight by Stephanie Meyer for the second time.

I freaking LOVE that book... like seriously... LOVE.

Twilight is part of a series... a saga if you will. The fourth book in the series, Breaking Dawn, is coming out on August 2nd (but who's keeping track), the day we leave Greece.

I am a person who firmly believes in re-reading books before the next in the series is released.

I did it every time with the Harry Potter books, and even with the films. I love catching the little references the author makes to previous story lines and noticing things that you didn't see before. It makes it new and interesting each time I read it (even the millionth time... enter Harry Potter).

Anywho, I decided to read the three previous Twilight books before I go to Greece in a month. I figure the books will be fresh in my mind by the time the fourth one comes out, and I won't have to carry the 700 plus page books with me throughout the Greek islands.

So I started Twilight at 4:30 pm yesterday and finished it at 7:30 pm today.

Hmm.... maybe I should have waited until Greece was just a little bit closer.

But I don't mind. The book is just so damn good.

The book is Meyer's first novel, and was the first, and only, book to knock the final Harry Potter book out of the number one spot on the NYT Bestsellers List. Critics are, in fact, coining Meyer as the next J.K. Rowling.

The books are written for the young adult genre (which leaves more mature audiences craving more... vice, at times... but it's all good), so it's been a hit in only some select areas of pop culture.

That's going to change, though, since it will be released as a movie in December, and because the rest of the literary (and MTV) world is catching on.

OK, so here is why I love these books.

One: they are pure entertainment. It's just pure fantasy (a love story between a teenage girl and a vampire), but it is so much fun, and so engrossing, that you can't put it down. It makes me feel like a teenager again... and in the good way, not the horrible-awkward-hate-everyone-and-my-life-way... though I have read things that have made me feel that way again, too (enter The Perks of Being a Wallflower, another favorite).

Two: I am a huge sucker for romance. I love those super-sappy-totally-not-real-never-could-ever-happen stories. I just can't help it. They have some secret power over me and my weak-overly-emotional-over-sized-aortic-pump. I love the fantasy of it and the pain it makes me feel. All entertainment is fantasy, and sometimes the real world is just too real, so I figure that a good love story, with all the ups and downs, can never be too harmful.

Three: they make me forget about everything else. I seriously will think about them all of the time... even for my second read of Twilight, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I know what happens, but I'm just so excited to read it again. And I love that feeling. Very few things have that sort of power over me, so the fact these books have it shows how good they are.

Now, these books are not for everyone. Mike read it, and although he said it was a "good read", they're not his cup of tea.

I don't think Dad should read it... he just couldn't do it.

And that's OK.

I may be on the same page (pun intended) with 13 year old girls across the globe, and that's OK too. I have made my peace with that.

So this has been a pretty pop culture / book critic post... here's a quick blurb about my Friday to bring my post back to Speakin's usual tone:

Friday's are just tough. I don't care if you have the best job in the world, or if you take your favorite classes on Fridays... they are just tough. Like, the last 3 hours of the day seem like 30 hours, instead. Everything goes as slow as... Twinkies rotting.

So, I decided to take a little break from the grind and make an origami fortune teller, AKA a cootie catcher.

I don't know if I've made one since the 4th grade... actually, I think I had to have Dana or Larisa make mine for me... anywho, I found the instructions and created a supreme cootie catcher.

It really was quite the feat of engineering.

So I decided to write fortunes on it. Numbers on the outside (1-8), colors on the first layer (red, green, purple, blue, yellow, orange, pink, and, of course, taupe), and then the fortunes on the inside. I made these as answers to yes or no questions, much like the mysterious and talented 8 ball.

You know, mystical answers to important questions: hell yes, hell no, let me think on it, I don't give a damn, does it matter, really?, damn straight, and bitch please (there's one more that I can't remember... probably a boring one).

Me to Jeannie: Ask it a question.
Jeannie: Um... will me and *boy she's just started seeing* be together forever?
Me: Geez Jeannie, can you not ask such a school girl question *roll eyes*?
Jeannie: Oh! I'm the school girl? You're the one holding the cootie catcher!
Mark (sitting a few cubes away): You know, Jeannie makes a pretty good case.
Me: I hate you both.

Her answer, I'm sorry to say, was "hell no".

But who's going to believe a cootie catcher?... Don't tell it I said that, though, just in case it reads this.