Friday, June 13, 2008

Does this Hard Hat Make me Look Fat?

I told some people at work a little story, and I have decided to share it with the masses. (That's you).

Kayla is a sweet Kansas girl that I went to Vegas with. When she first got to Colorado we all went out to eat at the California Pizza Kitchen (I got the BBQ Chicken Pizza, with no Chicken). She was telling us about a recent conference she attended for her job as a tax auditor.

I know what you are thinking: "How exciting can a conference for tax auditors be?"

Well, apparently it's quite the party. Especially when it comes to the activities they were able to partake in between all of the conferencing about the taxes.

One such activity, and the focus of my little story, was a trip to the Kansas Underground Salt Mine Museum.

I know... wow... I now want to be a tax auditor, too.

She said that you had to go into an elevator shaft, in the dark, down 600 feet into the Earth's core.

I can already feel Mom hyperventilating.

You also have to have emergency oxygen with you at all times, and then you take little golf carts through the mine to the museum area.

Now, all of this sounds interesting enough. Hell, even educational. But then she told me the best part:

Kayla: Yeah, it's one of the 8 Wonders of Kansas.
Me: *Pause* *Swallow Chicken BBQ without the Chicken Pizza* Wait... there are 8 Wonders in Kansas?
Kayla: I guess so.
Me: The freakin' world only has 7... how the hell did Kansas, of all places, get 8??

Kayla and Jeannie then tried to figure out what the 8 could be. There is, obviously, the Giant Ball of Twine, as well as the Garden of Eden and the "In Cold Blood House" (creepy), plus a really big barn in their home town of Colby...

That salt mine was starting to sound pretty darn cool.

Then Kayla said the next thing:

Kayla: They were really excited because they'd just had their first wedding there.
Me: *Pause* *Choke on piece of Chicken BBQ without the Chicken Pizza* You're kidding me.
Kayla: Nope, they hold wedding receptions... it's in their brochure.
Me: Where? In the mine itself.
Kayla: Yeah, in the museum part. There's even a dance floor.

OK, first of all, I want you to know that Kayla and Jeannie, as proud of their home state as they are, were just as shocked about all of these things as I was, and thought it all just as ridiculous... they are semi-normal.

But who the hell has their wedding in a salt mine 600 feet underground?

How do you write an invitation for that?

Please join us for the joyous wedding ceremony of Billy Bob Joe and Betty Joe Bob. RSVP necessary, as we need to know how many trips the elevator shaft must make. Oh, and hard hats required... we provide emergency oxygen tanks.

If the meal is bland, can you just walk over to the wall and scrape off some extra salt?

I guess it's better than having your reception at the In Cold Blood House.

I told Mike we should put our name on the list... and see the other 7 wonders for our honeymoon.

Don't worry, Mom, we'll get you a paper bag that will match your dress.

Here's a link to all of the 8 Wonders of Kansas, and notice that the Giant Ball O' Twine is a runner-up... shocker it didn't beat the "Big Well".