Blissdom or Bust (on The Island)

Remember last year at this time when I totally stepped out of my comfort zone and went to Nashville for a blogging conference and had an emotional break down which resulted in many tears and many anti-anxiety drugs and then I stalked Jen Lancaster and ended up having a great time and making lots of friends?

(No? Read about it here.)

Well, I'm back. Blissdom '10 is happening and I am happy to be a part of it. I would love to tell you about how I helped stuff swag bags, hung out with Carmen, and how I had an awesome evening with Esther (and how I love her so), but something else needs to be addressed.

I have entered an alternate universe, and it is called the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Convention Center.

Yes... this is the INSIDE OF THE HOTEL... and it's NOT VEGAS.

I don't think that this is even really Nashville. I think this is some weird "in-between" place that has a smoke monster lurking and possibly an entrance through a wardrobe.

It's a giant atrium with different "islands" where the rooms and restaurants are.

(I'm in the Swan Station "Magnolia".)

*Totally* looks like Nashville, right?

The inside is basically a huge rain forest with palm trees and exotic flowers and PURPLE WATERFALLS.

The first thing I thought when I saw this purple waterfall? What animal was slaughtered there that has purple blood. My mind scares me.

I'm afraid The Others will get me if I stray too far away on my own.

(And by "The Others" I mean the people who are here for The National Tea Party Convention in the same hotel.)

(Sarah Palin is their keynote speaker... you decide which Lost character she is.)

With a hotel so big and filled with greenery, I have spent an enormous amount of time trying to find my way around. When I was packing I decided to wear cute shoes because this is a conference with 500 other women and cute shoes are very important when making a first impression with this many females. I figured that it didn't matter that these cute shoes are slightly uncomfortable because I'd just we walking around the hotel...


Well, after the fucking 5K that I've walked in the past 20 hours, my feet are in so much pain.

(So much pain that I flossed (you bet your ass I did) while sitting on the edge of the tub with my feet soaking in hot water.)

But I will persevere. Not because I'm so vain that cute shoes mean more to me than saving my feet, but because the only footwear that I have that would be comfy enough for walking through this crazy place are my slippers.

And I just won't go there... yet.

This map was not helpful *at all*... and Google Maps didn't help either.
(I tried.)

PS: You might be asking "Why would you buy shoes that were that uncomfortable in the first place?" Because I didn't expect to walk a marathon in them. Also? They're pretty.

Public Service Announcement

The first (and only) time that I've gotten a cavity I was about nine. And I was ashamed. I thought that I had done something terrible; that I had messed up. I hid in my room and was afraid for my daddy to come home.

(I had issues.)

(I still have issues.)

Of course, my dad didn't care. He told me it was okay and it happens and no worries, we'd get it fixed and be better about taking care of my teeth.

Even though it made my shame dissipate a little, I still hated the feeling like I had screwed up.

Well, I felt that same tooth related shame this week. I decided to make an appointment for the dentist because I hadn't been in a while.

Or, you know, four years.

FOUR GOD DAMN YEARS.

Yeah... my dentist was not pleased. And neither were my gums.

My poor, poor gums.

Which leads me to the main part of this blog post:

YOU NEED TO FLOSS.

Seriously. Floss like a mother fucker.

Thankfully, my problems can all be reversed with floss, regular visits to my dentist (like, you know, NOT every four years), and brushing my teeth for the recommended two minutes.

And now I'm telling you to floss, because otherwise your dental hygienist will scrape your gums with an instrument that looks like it belongs in the arsenal of someone responsible for getting top secret information out of a very stubborn war criminal.

(And today my mouth was the war criminal and my poor gums didn't have any information to tell.)

So there. I've passed along my advice. Because I care.

(I also visited the eye doctor and was told that your actually not supposed to wear your contact lenses for 4 months at a time, because they're kind of supposed to be replaced every two weeks. Apparently that's a bad thing...)

(I think I need some sort of professional care... I obviously can't take care of myself.)

PS: You know who doesn't need to go to the dentist? Bonnie. And you know how she showed me that her teeth are totally strong and healthy? By using those teeth to bite through her gentle leader on her walk today.

New Directions

I recently decided to take a class at CU. I want to go to grad school, but I'm not positive what I want to study.

My background is in Women and Gender Studies, but I'm not interested in going back for another degree in that or Sociology. I decided to look for something that made me excited, and to take an intro undergrad class in that subject.

I decided on Speech, Language and Hearing Sciences, so I'm taking an Intro to Human Communication Sciences this semester. So far, I love it. I belong in school, and I'm happy to be learning something totally new and different.

Going back to school now is very different than being an undergrad. I'm there because I want to learn something. I want to possibly start a new career. I want to soak it up. I'm not there for the grade, for the credit, or to fill a spot. I'm there for me.

Which is awesome.

(PS: Even though I'm really enjoying this and all, I still wait until the last possible second to do my homework. Because I love to procrastinate... I'm really good at it, and you gotta play to your strengths.)

(PPS: One thing I've learned being back on campus: wearing leggings as pants is totally acceptable. Especially when it's 39 degrees.)

(PPPS: I guess that's probably okay since it's also super awesome to wear Uggs with said pant-leggings, therefore keeping you nice and warm?)

(PPPPS: I am learning *so* much.)

Stop Being a Stalker Day

Are you someone who reads blogs but never comments? Someone who follows people on twitter but never says anything? Yeah, you're a lurker.

(It's okay... I don't judge.)

(Except that I totally do.)

Well, today is Delurker Day, which means it's time to come out from the shadows and say hi.

Let me know you're there. Let me know what you think. Tell me your favorite color. What's your dog's name? Anything will do. I'd love to know who's out there, reading and judging me.

I want to hear from you, so stop stalking, and start talking.

(I totally just made that up. I should copyright it.)

(Because it's awesome.)

(I feel the need to point out that stalking is really serious and really bad, so don't do it.)

(Though I must also say that I'm going to Blissdom '10 in a couple of weeks where Harry Connick, Jr. will be and I will be following him around and I might take a lock of his hair.)

(Fair warning.)

(Don't worry, I totally won't take some of his hair. That's creepy. I'm just going to take his empty wine glass to harvest his DNA.)

(That's science.)

(Yes, I realize that I could harvest DNA from his hair, too. I'm just trying to plan strategy and I'm pretty sure that it would be a lot easier to pretend to be a waitress clearing the dirty dishes from his table than to steal a lock of his hair without him getting suspicious and then calling the cops.)

(These are the things I think about.)

(Leave a comment.)

(Please.)

PS: The color scheme and theme of this blog are slowly changing. The purple and paper are just the first steps. We're working on making it totally kick-ass. You just wait.

Welcome to the Future

I know that ordering pizza on the internet is exactly brand new, but last night was the first time that I did it, so it's new to me.

(And it's all about me.)

Last night Mike and I wanted some Domino's Pizza (because we're classy). I decided to avoid human contact completely and use their online ordering system.

Holy shit, people, it's amazing. Really. Who needs flying cars and robots? This is the future.

My favorite parts?

Making your pizza is basically like being a PIZZA GOD.

But they totally ruin you're pizza making high.


But the best part? They have a progress tracker (see? FUTURE) that shows you when the order was taken, when your pizza is being prepared, baked, and checked over (to make sure no hair is on it?) (I actually appreciate that step), and when it leaves the store. It even tells you who's doing all of this.

Apparently "Hannah" took care of our order. As we were watching the little tracker thing, we started to get crazy hungry. ("Crazy hungry" occurs when you start screaming at your computer.) Soon we were yelling "BAKE IT FASTER HANNAH. TURN UP THE DAMN OVEN," and "HUSTLE UP HANNAH. WE NEED PEPPERONI STAT, WOMAN".

(Of course, this caused some problems for us. We had a very distraught golden retriever pacing back and forth wondering why the hell we were yelling her name so much.)

When the blinking light moved to "out for delivery", it told us that "John" was on his way. We proceeded to sit at the window calling "JOOOOOHHHHNNNNN" and wondering which car was his.

(Remember? Crazy hungry.)

It was awesome. I felt like I was in Star Trek or something.

(Actually, if it were Star Trek, my pizza would have appeared out of my computer.)

(Dude, they totally have a Wikipedia article about that machine that creates food in Star Trek.)

(Geeks are so organized.)

PS: The new Domino's pizza is actually really good.

PPS: FULL DISCLOSURE: Domino's didn't ask me to write anything and I didn't get anything to do so. I'm just a happy member of THE FUTURE.

PPPS: I don't think I actually have to disclose that, but it makes me feel fancy to do it.

PPPPS: OTHER DISCLOSURE: I'll gladly accept free pizza, though... just so you all know.

Palindrome Princess

Happy Palindrome Day!

Today is 01/02/2010, or 01022010, front and back.

Which means? Hannah is the princess of today because her name is also the same front and back.

In honor of today and the princess, please honor Her Awesomeness by sending some of Hannah's most favorite things to her.

Like tennis balls.

And napkins.

And socks.

And toys that squeak.

And bananas.

Please:

Do NOT iron anything, as it scares her.

Do NOT touch her paws, because it makes her upset.

And finally, please do NOT chew on her back leg while she's trying to get through the dog door.

(I'M TALKING TO YOU BONNIE.)

(Obviously.)

PS: Even though Hannah also loves dead rodents, please don't send any of those. I'll just assume that you would if you could, and it's really the thought that counts.

Best of 09: Failed Resolution

I made it!! I completed the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge!

(If you missed any, you can find them all here.)

Thanks, Gwen, for putting this all together!

December 31st: Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...)

It's all pretty cliche.

I wish I had gotten fit this year. I wish my house was organized. I wish I'd done a lot of things that I didn't actually do.

But I ended up doing a lot of stuff that I didn't think that I would do, which I figure makes up for it.

(Except for the whole not getting fit thing... going to Nashville doesn't really make up for that, does it?)

(Oh well.)

Here's to 2010!



(I've watched that video about twenty-seven times in the last three days... and thirteen more times since I embedded it in this post.)

(Who knew so many people used the word "down" this year?)

(I just searched my blog for the word "down" and it was used in 19 posts this year... given the crazy amount of times that the word was obviously used by pop stars in 2009, I feel like that's not nearly enough.)

(Resolution for 2010: use the word "down" more.)

(Shit... it'll probably be out of style by this time next year. What's the word of 2010? I'd really appreciate knowing *now* so that I'm not in this situation next year.)

(Because it's embarrassing.)

(I shouldn't have even pointed it out... fuck.)

(Maybe "fuck" will be the biggest word of 2010. I hope so, because I'm already on top of that one.)

(Also? I don't recognize more than half of those songs in the video. Another resolution for 2010: listen to more Top 40 radio...)

(I'm ambitious.)

(Down.)

(Fuck.)