Monday, November 16, 2009


I learned something today.

When you send out a tweet or status update about attacking people, soon all you can do is think about attacking people.

I sent this out this afternoon:

Woman across from me at coffee shop has her pepper spray on the table. My plans to attack her have been destroyed. Today is a total waste.

Followed by this tweet 5 minutes later:

Not that I *wanted* to attack anyone, but now it's a little sad that the option isn't even there... #atleastImakemyselflaugh

And now it's been half an hour and I've spent the whole time staring at people wondering if I could take 'em out in a fight.

(I blame this on the fact that I just re-read The Twilight Saga (again) and have super strong vampires on the brain, and therefore wish that *I* was super strong... and possibly a vampire... shut up.)

(PS: IloveEdwardCullenOhMyGOD.)

(Don't tell Mike that... he's fairly annoyed with my undying love for a fictional vampire whose biggest fault is that he cares too much.)

(... MUST FOCUS...)

I have come to the conclusion that the majority of the patrons here would probably overtake me. Except for that 5 year old over there crying because his mom won't get him a cupcake (bitch)... or that dude in the over-sized cowboy hat. Either would probably be a fair match in a fight.

Maybe I should start putting my pepper spray on the table? And nunchucks... and at least one ninja throwing star (two would be tacky).

Then that 5 year old wouldn't stand a chance.

(Word of advice? Don't listen to Lady Gaga in public. It makes you dance and then your lethal aura is totally screwed. No amount of nunchucks and throwing stars can make up for a Lady Gaga performance (no matter how kick ass it is) in public.)

(I'm pretty sure no vampire would make that mistake.)

(You think I'm a loser for listening to Lady Gaga? Come on over here... I'll show you my nunchucks up close.)

(That was mean... if you're reading this blog I wouldn't attack you. I love you.)

(Wait?! I'm not a loser for loving Lady Gaga, but I am one for being madly in love obsessed appropriately interested in Twilight? I will DESTROY YOU.)

(Wow. That was totally uncalled for. I'm so, so sorry... sorta.)

(I think the five year old and the guy in the cowboy hat are plotting against me... or it's the caffeine affecting my judgment... hard to tell.)

(Or maybe they like my Poker Face performance? I think I need to leave.)