Thursday, April 10, 2008

Lefties are taking over the world!

So I was really bored in class, so I started to write. I have decided to post it here, because I figure that I would have posted it on here if I had my laptop. So here it is:

I have this professor who has a ponytail. A beard, ripped jeans, and oversized t-shirts. I'm actually sitting in his class right now. He's a sociologist, and a stereotypical one at that. You can actually picture him wrapping his arms around a tree and giving it a squeeze. I've got no problem with him... except his class blows. Maybe it's just me, but I don't really think anyone here is really paying any attention. There's a girl in front of me whose on facebook and IM. Now they're talking about Vegan fastfood and compostable coffee cups (he actually asked "Do you get free coffee for telling us this?"). I'm not learning anything in this class. Maybe it's because I'm 4 weeks away from graduation, or because I'm taking this pass/fail, or because I'm lazy. But when your professor says "I'm no expert... were on this journey together", it's kind of a turn-off (again, maybe it's just me... the girl in the front row with a bandanna and lip ring is nodding her head after every single word this guy says... But there's still six people cruising the web on their laptops).
I've had a cold... it was in my head and throat for a few days, and now it has moved to my sinuses. I swear, my brain feels like it is leaking out of my nose. But I can't sneeze, so I look like I'm crying about the "state of the world"... but I just want to sneeze, GOD DAMMIT. I'm basically depleting tissue resources at a rate of 1/5 minutes. Boulder will be in a tissue drought within a week if this keeps up.
40 minutes left in class...
OH! I just noticed that there were 2 left handed girls sitting in the front row... then I just say that Bandanna/Lip Ring girl is also a lefty... 3 lefties in a row... sounds like a nursery rhyme. Is this a sign? Holy shit! ANOTHER one behind them! And one sitting right in front of me... WHAT'S HAPPENING??? And another behind Bandanna girl... I've officially lost my mind and have entered an alternate universe...

So that's all I wrote today...
I just ate a mango. Now, I like the skin. I'm not sure why, but I do. So, I decided to look it up on the web. Can you eat mango skin? Well, I got answers that fall into two basic categories: Yes you can and you should and No you can't and it will kill you. Well, needless to say, I started to freak out. My throat feels constricted and my lips are tingling. And the back of my head itches. Is it me? The mango? The lefties poisoning me? So I called my mom:
"Can you eat the skin of a mango?"
"I don't think so... I'm not sure. But I wouldn't."
"Well... I already did!"
"Then why are you asking?"
"Because I might DIE!!!"
"Well, how do you feel?"
"Well, then I would lay off the mango skin... maybe wait about a month, and then slowly introduce it. Maybe you'll develop a tolerance. At least it's a lot of, you know, ruffage."
"Well, yeah... I guess."
So, Mom was pretty useless, so I called Dad:
"Can you eat the skin of a mango?"
"Sure you can! You'll get sick, but you can."
"Well, no. Probably not."
"Well, I already ate it! So don't tell me that!"
"Well, how do you feel?"
"That's just in your head. Call me if your vision starts to blur."
Dad is so caring.

Now my back itches and my calf itches and my ears tingle... crap... now my tear duct itches and my stomach hurts!!!!!!
Ok... talking (typing) myself over the ledge, huh?

One more story: I was driving and stopped at a red light. I looked in my rearview mirror and noticed a lighter go on. And then the driver TOOK A HIT... 10 seconds later, he took another! I called Mike:
"I'm at a red light and these two guys are in the truck behind me and the driver just took 2 hits of weed!"
"Seriously... we've been here less than a minute and their getting high... OH MY GOD! HE JUST TOOK ANOTHER HIT!!! 3 hits in less than 2 minutes!!"
"*laugh* When the light turns green, drive away really fast."
"Well, I better, because they'll probably come after me."
"Because I proabably look like a giant cheetoe!"
"No, you look like... well, your car is silver, so what's silver that you can eat?"
"I don't know... I'm not all high and shit!"

I drove away very fast...