Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Good, Bad, and Just Plain Ugly

The Good:

My friend Mark asked me to help him with his latest photography project.

Because I am such an awesome person, I said yes. (Well... what else was I going to say? "I don't have school... a job... a life... I'm just too swamped"?... no...)

So he said that he needed me to make some fake blood for a suicide scene
(I know... artists are bizarre).

So I immediately thought about how I would have to go out to the shed to try and find some camouflage clothes and some night vision goggles so that I could stalk a squirrel or raccoon and therefore just use their blood...

Then Mark told me that it had to be
vegetarian blood.

(Yeah... that is so not as challenging and why would I wear night vision goggles to make vegetarian blood?)

(And then I realized that I'm also a vegetarian... so it probably would have sucked to kill a squirrel... and I don't even have night vision goggles... just Mike's huge flashlight... which isn't quite as cool...)

So I looked up the ingredients on wikiHow (you can find anything on this here internets) and got a few bottles of corn syrup, food coloring, and chocolate syrup... and made a big tupperwear full of awesome (delicious smelling) fake blood.

(Sometimes it sort of looked like blueberry syrup... but it looks good on camera.)

Photo from Mark's Blog

So, it wasn't quite as exciting as procuring some real blood, but it still turned out cool.

And now I have a new super cool skill to add to my resume.

The Bad:

In an effort to make Mike feel better, I got some Betty Crocker mix for Banana Walnut muffins. I don't bake a lot (at all), so I was very excited when they didn't explode.

(Well... some of them came out raw in the center... and the box clearly said it made TWELVE muffins, and I only got TEN out of the batter... and I did NOT eat two muffins worth of batter... I think...)

Anyway, I was so excited and the ones that were fully cooked tasted delicious.

Then I went out the next day and came home to an empty plate on the counter.
So I put it in the dishwasher and... wait a minute... weren't there a half-dozen (beautiful) muffins wrapped in tin-foil on that plate?

So, my terrible doggies managed to get the tin-foil covered muffins off of the plate (without breaking it... stealthy little criminals), and ate it all (including most of the foil).

(On a side note: how did they split the muffins between the two of them? Did they decide to get the muffins down as a team, or did one just go for it? Did one get more than the other? Who was the brains behind the operation (Bonnie), and who decided how the muffins should be split between the two of them?)

(It certainly makes you think... and makes you move everything off of the kitchen counter when you leave the house...)

That night I was woken up by a strange gurgling noise that I soon found out was coming from Bonnie's tummy:

AllyBSpeakin: Up since 4:30 with a certain dog who has an upset tummy from stealing her Momma's muffins... this is motherhood.

Next thing you know you'll be nursing your 16 year old after it stole your stash of heroin...at least you are practicing.

Excuse me? My kid will NOT do heroin... By the time I have a kid there's gonna be some super drug that ninjas stole from the govt. My kid is going to be cool... so he'll/she'll be in to that... not old school heroin.

(Just so you know... Bonnie and Hannah are just fine... except for the fact that they are currently playing on the couch and Hannah has managed to get her head stuck in a blanket while Bonnie chews on her ear... that can't be good.)

And The Ugly:

We went to a Super Bowl party at the restaurant where Mike works.

As part of the shenanigans, the restaurant gets a whole bunch of free stuff to give to the employees.

All of the stuff is promotional crap (I mean awesome products) from alcohol companies.

So, among all of the t-shirts, hats, and keychains, what does my boyfriend grab?

A metal picture of a bottle of Jagermeister...

Which he put up on the wall...

In the kitchen.

Yes... we are now those people.

And so, if any of you need some fake blood, badly behaved dogs, or a metal picture of booze (with the caption "Urban Legend")... contact me.


PS: To see Mark's project (and my awesome blood), and you are on a Windows machine, you can click here. If you're on a Mac, you have to go here (you may have to download something, but it's worth it...).