Friday, October 17, 2008

UPDATE: Why my Hydration Mechanism Kicks Ass

I decided that I wanted to replace my favorite water bottle.

The last one had carcinogens and shit in it, so I had to toss it.

Me: Daddy! I drank poison!
Daddy: WHAT?
Me: Well, not really... I drank from a dangerous water bottle full of carcinogens.
Daddy: Jesus... that's not poison.
Me: But there's a foggy film on the bottom of it which has caused psycho-somatic throat swelling...
Daddy: That's probably just bacteria... that'll just make you really really sick.
Me: Oh...

So that sucker was tossed.

So I went to the store to get another one. I thought that I would just get another blue one, or maybe a pretty pink one. But then I saw it:

An argyle one...

Yep, argyle.

Now, I'm not some huge argyle fan, but someone I love very much has a love affair with the pattern, and it made me think of him.

And miss him...

A lot.

So, baby brother, I now have a memento that reminds me of you... and reminds me to drink water... carcinogen-free's really a win-win situation.

Crying Babies make me Panic...

I just got out of my yearly exam (aka yearly molestation).

I was scared that I would have to pee in a cup, so I chugged a whole lot of water right before I went in.

I didn't have to pee into a cup, but I went anyway (not in a cup, though), just to show that I was prepared.

I was sitting there, in a waiting room that smelled like poopy diapers with pregnant women everywhere, chugging my water, waiting to get this crap over with.

The OB/GYN offices are right next to the pediatrics offices, so there were a lot of screaming babies and angry children.

I was sitting there, trying to read, and this baby was crying bloody murder, and I was gritting my teeth trying not to throw my book against the wall, when I started to wonder what these ladies who were preggers were thinking about in the waiting room.

Were they so wrapped up in thinking about their little bun in the oven that they weren't thinking about the screaming child?

Or were they FREAKING OUT because they are about to have their own banshee pop out?

When a woman gets preggers, does she forget about all of those terrible things and just focus on the end goal?

Or does the sound of an angry child with an ear infection who has just finished receiving their first round of shots make her break out in cold sweats and have heart palpitations?

The woman sitting closest to me kept her face completely impassive and looked very calm as she got up and waddled away when the nurse called her.

Or was she just keeping the rising panic to herself?

I have a feeling I am not the one she would have confided in... so I'll never really know.

The other thing that I noted about the waiting room: free samples for pregnant ladies. There were vitamins, and books, and even a first trimester journal (I almost took one because I like pads of paper...) all just sitting in baskets for them to take.

Were there any free samples those of us who are without child?

Not in the waiting room... but there were open boxes of tampons in the bathroom...

Good thing I went pee, or else I would have totally missed out on the free swag.

(Note that I am referring to "free stuff"... I just looked swag up on Urban Dictionary to try to link to, and apparently swag also means "low grade marijuana". No, I did not find "low grade marijuana" in the bathroom of the OB/GYN offices... they only carry high quality shit.)