Monday, May 26, 2008

VIP or Bust

I'm on Benadryl right now, so this post could go a couple of ways: it could be hilarious, completely dull, or totally effd up... or a combination.

But I guess that's how my posts are most of the time anyway.

I'm on Benadryl because my eyes are totally swollen, red and itchy. I used some eye cream stuff and my the skin around my eyes got angry and decided to become red and purple and puffy...

Not fun to do the Bolder Boulder with.

But let's start at the beginning. I left for Sin City on Thursday and returned yesterday. I was too tired to post, so I now have even more to share.

I will just do highlites, hopefully chronologically.

Jeannie has never been on a real flight before... or on a moving sidewalk, for that matter. So the airport was a flurry of excitement. I didn't think we would make the flight because Jeannie was having too much fun on the sidewalks (or the airport rides, as we told her they were). Needless to say... Vegas was a bit a change for the Kansas gals.

When we got to Vegas, the car that was supposed to be there was not. In fact, they had no record of a ride for us at all. So we had to sit at the airport while I convinced them to send a driver for us.

While we sat there, two separate guys walked up offering VIP passes for clubs (Jet in the Mirage and Tao in the Venetian). I guess that it's there jobs to find young women to get to come to their clubs. Note: they don't do this for guys... they assume that if they get enough hot girls in, the men will follow... and buy the drinks.

We took the passes, but never went to the clubs.

We finally got a ride with a guy who kept asking us to guess his age, which is the dumbest game ever. What am I supposed to say (well, I didn't say anything. I let Jeannie do the talking because she is the cute one. She could tell him he looked like he was about to keel over and die and he would still have thought she was the sweetest thing since candy corn)? Of course I'm not going to tell you, "yeah, you look 67"... even if you clearly are. I'll always say, "oh, 33... maybe 34" because I don't want to say you look as old as you actually are.

The guy was almost 39... he looked 45... Jeannie "guessed" 30... and probably made his day.

Our room was great. It was on the 25th floor and faced the strip, which was awesome at night. The best part was the tub, which could fit 3 fully grown girls from Colorado and Kansas... I assume.

We went to the Forum Shops, to find Jeannie some shoes. The cab ride back was like the cab ride from hell, with the driver from hell, who took us to the wrong hotel, and then drove 30 mph over 2 ft high speed bumps... and then asked why he got a lousy tip...

I held Jeannie's hand the whole way...

We dressed up and went to Nove that night. It's an Italian restaurant on the 50th floor of The Palms. When we sat down, the manager gave us free champagne. He also brought us free appetizers (that tasted sort of like cat food... but it was free... so we ate them), and then the waiter took an espresso shot with us that was on the house.

But the BEST part, by far, was desert (which they also gave to us for free). They were mini cannoli shells that we filled with the creamy filling ourselves, and decorated with a selection of about 16 toppings. It was incredible.

I would go back to Vegas just for that desert.

Then we were escorted up, through the employee escalator, to The Playboy Club. It's actually more of a lounge, but there is no place to sit. Scratch that. There are plenty of places to sit, but only if you are VIP. Although we were treated very well... we were not treated that well.

The Playboy Club was a pretty big let down, overall. The Bunnies were SO MEAN... and it was pretty tiny. But the bathrooms were cool. Playboy photos are all over the walls and the doors to the stalls are full-size naked chicks. And when you close the doors, it's her whole body from the back.

That will be in my next house.

Then we went to Moon. Moon is a cool club. Although there is still no place to sit (except for VIP), the dancing was fun. There are go-go dancers on the booths and the ceiling retracts, showing you the moon (... hey! I get it!). Plus, there is a huge balcony with great views of the strip.

I sat down on an (empty) ottoman to fix my shoe, and a security guard almost ninja chopped me off of the balcony.

Then we went back to the room and took a bubble bath (in our bathing suits).

The next day we went to a couple of the hotels on the strip. This was not the original plan. The original plan was to go to the pool party. But there is no pool party when there is no sun, and when it is raining. We had reserved seats, which we curled up on under huge towels and almost fell asleep (until one of the life guards told us that the pool was not for napping, it was for drinking and partying... but I slept anyway).

So we left, but not before getting one of the 1/2 yard long cups with pina coladas in it.

I'm having Mike make mine into a Piggy Bank.

We went to Dane Cook at The Colosseum in Caesar's that night, which was fun, but made us tired.

There was also a Pussycat Dolls Lounge, where the original PCDs were going to perform their new single... but we did not get to see that. But that's OK, because I go to the Playboy Club to see my half/fully naked chicas.

I don't need no stinkin dolls... I have (mean) bunnies.

I won $10.83 at the penny slots, which made me feel like a high rollin' pimp...

We went to this little club at The Mirage that was called Revolution. It's supposed to be Beatles themed, but I'm pretty sure that the living Beatles would never go there and that the dead one's would rather... be dead.

It was too crowded, a girl ran in to me while grinding on another girl, and the bartender charged me five bucks for a club soda.

So we went home to bed.

Our last day we covered the rest of The Strip, which was exhausting. Then we took a nap and got ready for our last night in Vegas. I wore my new super cute dress, and we went to the Mexican restaurant in the lobby of The Palms where we had frozen drinks and greasy, cheesy appetizers (to soak up the alcohol).

Then we tried to go to Rain (the first big club at The Palms).

The manager had given me VIP passes at check in. I flashed one at the security guard and expected to be escorted up to the club on the pony of my choice with champagne and caviar.

Instead, he informed me that the pass didn't work, because it was a special occasion weekend. Stupid manager, giving us passes that don't even work.

So we decided that we could slum it and wait in line...

Then we found out that the cover was $40.

No club is worth that... so we went shopping at the gift shop and Playboy store, and then played the penny slots some more. I ended up coming out $4 ahead by the end of the trip.

Big Pimpin...

Then it was back to the room to pack and end the trip where it started... with a bubble bath.

When I got home, I had to go down to Wheatridge to go to my grandma's get together for her friends from Texas. It was a lot of old ladies and boxed white zinfandel.

This morning was the Bolder Boulder. I did it by myself, and my eyes burned the whole way. I thought they were going to swell shut. But I made it, and I am proud of myself for doing it after a crazy Vegas weekend.

I told Jeannie and Kayla that we walked off all of the cannolis, pies, fried food, and booze from our trip... which is always a good thing.

At lunch, I asked Mike if we could get some cucumbers to put on my red, swollen eyes...

He said I could just use some cheese.