Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Are you There, Zeus? It's me, Ally B

Dear Zeus,

So, I know that I've been complaining a lot about it being freezing and all. And I understand that you may have been a little upset about my whining, but seriously, dude, what is up with the wind?


Is it totally necessary to send hurricane force winds down on Boulder that causes my patio furniture to fly across the backyard?

Is it totally necessary to make it so windy that the dog door flips open so far that a small child could crawl through off of the street?

(This is my biggest fear about having a dog door. Not that a raccoon, coyote, fox, mountain lion, or burglar will crawl into the house. Nope. Small needy children scare me the most.)

And do you really have to make it so windy that I can't sleep without bolting upright every hour because the neighbors trashcans are being thrown against their wall outside of my bedroom window?

I have had enough wind to last me another year. While we were in NZ, you send a crazy-ass-hurricane down on us when we stayed in Milford Sound.

Sleeping in the parking lot of a campground, in a very unstable RV, in said hurricane was, like, the worst night ever!! I stayed awake all night afraid that we were going to roll over onto the car next to us and then be swept away by a flood.

(Poor Mike... I clung to him like a spider monkey the whole night whimpering...)

And so, please cut it out.

I live in Boulder, Colorado, not Kansas.

My name is Ally B, not Dorothy.

I have no desire to wake up in Oz... even if it is in Technicolor.

And I would like to be able to drive down the highway without fear of another truck bed flying through the air at oncoming traffic.

(Seriously. It happened today. Saw my life flash before my eyes.)

So, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, please quit it. The wind does NOTHING for anyone... and I will sleep better knowing no babies will be crawling into my house.

Sincerely yours,

Ally B Hatin' the Wind

PS: Feel free to send a new puppy through the dog door, though. Just take some precautionary steps to make sure Bonnie doesn't eat it before I wake up.

(Picture from seemikedraw.wordpress.com)