Friday, January 30, 2009

Death from Ear Shock

So I haven't written in awhile.


Because I've spent the last week in the house taking care of my sick boyfriend and being all around "domestic".

(Not that I'm complaining. I love Mike and I love taking care of him...)

(Plus, since I was so nice to him, he's going to take me out to dinner... bonus for Ally!)

So I really had nothing to write about other than the copious amounts of phlegm and tissues in my life (both of which were not mine).

(See... aren't you happy that I spared you?)

Unfortunately, we've just started leaving the house again, so I still don't have a lot to write about.

Other than the fact that I think that my headphones are trying to kill me.

While I was walking the dogs today, it felt like something flicked my ear. I thought it was some mutant insect flying into the side of my head, so I let it go.

But then it happened again...

And again...

And again.

And every time it happened I would jump up in the air, bang the side of my head, and scream "What the fuck?", causing the other people who were out for a walk to cross to the opposite side of the street.

(Which is fine with me... Bonnie has a history of biting strangers...)

(Bad Bonnie.)

So I'm convinced that these headphones are trying to kill me by shocking my ear, thus sending an electrical current through my ear canal to my brain, thus ending my life.

Now... who would construct such an elaborate plan to end my life? These headphones didn't used to do this. My family is all traveling the world (without me), so I can't blame them (not that I would... it just gives them a mighty fine alibi).

And since I haven't left the house in several days, there can only be a few suspects.

So, if you have entered my house in the last week... you are under investigation.

(I can't blame Mike... he barely had the energy to stand up to take a shower, let alone get my headphones and alter them into death machines... plus, after this last week, I think that I've thoroughly convinced him that he couldn't possibly survive without me.)

And don't try to blame it on Bonnie.

(Hannah wouldn't be capable of such treachery... for one thing, if she got her paws on my headphones, she'd just eat them, not corrupt them.)

Bonnie may bite strangers... but she loves her Momma.

(I think.)