Wednesday, June 18, 2008

If Only you Could Buy Puppies in Bulk...

I've been sick since Saturday.

It blows.

Like, seriously.

I went to work for a couple of hours today, leaving just before I passed out from exhaustion.

I then stopped at Sam's Club because we're out of a few essentials that can't really wait much longer.

You know... like soap.

Sam's Club is an interesting place. Sort of like an alternate universe, full of bulk goods and free samples.

Although I can understand buying certain things there, like shampoo and paper towels, other things are just not meant to be bought in bulk.

Like, do I really need sixteen pounds of tomatoes? Really? Not unless I'm planning on attending some kind of tomato convention, or making a dozen gallons of salsa fresca for my restaurant.

Do I need a bag of lettuce that Bonnie could then use as a sleeping bag? Not unless I plan on eating lettuce with every meal for the next month and a half, and then selling the rest to starving college students at the dorms this fall...

Plus, that stuff goes bad... fast.

Even the non-perishable items pose some problems for the bargain shopper.

Take toilet paper. Do I buy the box of 1,000 rolls for $13.49, or the box of 2,000 rolls for $11.87? It seems like an easy answer, right?

Only to the untrained Clubber.

See, you may get twice as much for a fraction less... but then you realize that those 2,000 rolls are all 1/2-ply. Not even a full ply of paper.

To get the 3, or even 2-ply, you have to shell out a good $18.65.

And for only 500 rolls...

It's quite the dilemma.

Then there's the whole ordeal of finding things that you never, ever needed.

I don't need dehydrated papaya... but it was six pounds for $11.39. And I don't need two dozen bottles of Vitamin Water in a flavor that resembles Tylenol Cool Burst Nightime cold medicine (something I've had to enjoy for a few days), but it was such a steal!

Then you pay... and the bill is...



big. Like, amazingly big. Like a hefty portion of next month's rent big.

Because even though the shampoo was only so much, and the toilet paper was only so much... it adds up.

Sure, you don't have to buy that stuff again for a while, but you know that the call of bulk buying will sound again.

You'll suddenly realize that your toothbrush needs to be replaced, but wouldn't it be more economical to by a dozen and just have them on hand?

And I really want some cheese... why not stop in and get an industrial sized brick of cheddar? I can find a few recipes online for cheddar soup... or something.

I have to go eat some Top Ramen now. I don't eat it (chicken broth)... but the 50 packs were only $5.42!!