Hannah is in Love...

In all of the excitement and pandemonium that is Momma returning home (even if I've only been gone for 20 minutes), Bonnie and Hannah have to bring me their toys.

Today, I walked into the house and the dogs went crazy, as usual, but had no toys to bring me.

Which means that I became the chew toy.

Then Hannah brought me a blanket.

That's right, Hannah has turned to bringing Momma linens as a greeting present.

"Where are your toys? Shall we look outside?"

They immediately ran out the dog door. I followed (through the human door), and was greeted by Hannah violently trying to shake the ice and snow off of Boris.

ALL of their toys are buried in the snow.

(I also should mention that this is EXACTLY why Boris is an INSIDE toy. But do Bonnie and Hannah get that? Obviously not.)

"Hannah, drop Boris."

He instantly falls out of her mouth and lies hollow and frozen on the ground. I love him, but he is NOT going to thaw in the house.

Somehow, I can't see a tennis ball anywhere in the backyard.

So I found a couple of new tennis balls stuck in a cabinet somewhere (a secret, emergency stash).

I threw them out onto the floor and now Hannah is completely and utterly gaga over her new tennis balls. She carried both in her mouth at once (not an easy thing), and wouldn't even put them down to get a treat.

Now THAT is true love.

She hasn't stopped playing with them. She's chewing on them, and kissing them, and every so often she'll throw them against the wall and run after them.

If only we could all have something we loved so much.

It's Begining to Look a Lot Like... a Freezer

What a beautiful Monday morning in Colorado!

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, Bonnie is barking...

And it's NEGATIVE FOUR DEGREES.

(Actually, with the wind chill, it's NEGATIVE FIFTEEN).

Yeah, there is NO WAY that Ally B is going out in this cold. Nope, nada, screw it.

Bonnie has been acting out because she wants to go for a W-A-L-K, but how do you explain to a doggie that Momma will have boogers freeze in her nasal cavity if she goes strolling down the block? Not to mention the fact that Bonnie has a nasty habit of pulling Momma down the sidewalk, and when it's frozen solid, that just leads to a Christmas disaster...

So, I will be here. Drinking hot cocoa (with Irish Whisky... after 5 PM, I mean), reading Twilight (again), and contemplating whether or not to drug sweet Bonnie.

If I get bored I will sit at the window and laugh at the poor suckers in their beannies and Uggs who have to wait outside my driveway for the bus to take them to their Fall Finals.

Suckas!

And if you throw that whole Ally-B-Unemployed thing in my face...

Then YOU have to take Bonnie out for a W-A-L-K.

Kudos

At my most recent job, we had an email for us all to send "kudos".

These are verbal high-fives for our co-workers.

You know: "Ally is my most favorite person, she's SUCH a hard worker and this company would just fall apart without her."

(OK, I never got that kudos... actually, I never got any kudos... dammit...)

(That really sucks, especially since they started handing out actual Kudos snack bars...)

These kudos are then read aloud at company-wide staff meetings.

So, on my last day I decided to write a kudos.

I found out at the company party last night that people really enjoyed my kudos, so I've decided to copy it here for the whole internets to enjoy...

Oh, some things you should know.

1) My job was to scan documents... that was IT for the last month or two of my job. Scan, scan, and then scan some more.

2) I name inanimate objects.

3) Darrick is the COO, aka: head-honcho.

I sit here, in my bare and empty cubicle. The calendars have been tossed, useless documents have been sent to the shredder (at least I hope they were useless), and I have managed to carve my initials into my desk. I sit here and I am struck by an immense wave of gratitude. Gratitude to the most important partner that I have had while here. And this partner deserves a huge “kudos”.

And so I say, with all my heart, kudos to Samantha. For those of you who do not know who Samantha is, well boy have you missed out! Samantha is my scanner, my confidant, and above all, my friend. She’s like the kid-sister I never had (nor wanted). She’s a sweet lady, and a little sassy. Like all of us, Samantha has had her good days, and her bad. But always, she is there for me. Even after we’d had a fight, or after a certain manager threw a penny down her throat, or after she choked to death (almost) on a staple, she was still here when I came in the next day. Sitting, waiting, and always willing.

I will miss her. But I know she is in good hands.

And so, goodbye Samantha, and God Speed.

Ally

PS: Although she deserves it, please do not give Samantha an actual Kudos bar… not only is she watching her figure, but I’m pretty sure that she has a gluten allergy.

PPS: Don’t worry, Darrick, I clocked out before I composed this amazing, award-winning-worthy Kudos.

Ally B Textin

First, I would like to post the video that I was searching for to go with my last post. I just found it, thank you MTVmusic.com, so here you go.

(Just pretend that you are still reading the post it was supposed to be on: The Joys of Giving.)

Sarah Silverman |MTV Music

And now we shall move on:

Last night I received an email from Lightning Legs.

It had a website that she had used that has a questionnaire about your interests and skills. The site then generated a list of career options based on how you answered.

Her second email said that one of her Top 50 Career Options was a Dude Ranch Operator.

What follows is a transcript of our conversation.

(Is it still a "conversation" if we didn't actually verbally converse? I shall instead call it a transcript of our textathon.)

(BOLD is my commentary-in-hindsight.)

Text from Ally B: PLEASE say that you will at least consider becoming a dude ranch operator.

Text from Lightning Legs: Oh for sure! I'll be gettin' me some shit kickers and a straw hat. What does it suggest for you?

AB: I haven't been able to do it yet, but I will! You'd look so pretty in a hat, and lassos are SO in this season.

AB: One of my top 50 is magician... can I work on your dude ranch? (SERIOUSLY!! MAGICIAN!!)

LL: HAHAHA! Perfect! We'll need talent like that on my ranch to entertain the guests. (Seriously, I about died laughing at your text!)

AB: Well it better have made you laugh... one of my other options was stand-up comedy. (SERIOUSLY!! STAND-UP COMEDY!!)

LL: That's so funny! All of mine were like doctor-type things with random dude ranch operator and engineer and astronaut stuff thrown in. And I took it twice... (Smarty-Pants show off! I'm sitting here with magician, comedy, oh, and greeting card designer.)

AB: Mine are all performance and artistic or being in charge of others (it said that I could be a employee training manager. When I clicked on it to find out what that was, it had a cartoon with a guy demonstrating the correct way to flip a burger... great)... it was actually pretty interesting. Mike is taking his now.

LL: Dustin's (their little brother) second one is a boat captain!

AB: Oh my GOD! When I took one of these in high school I got sailor as my first! (True story) Dustin and I are like long-lost twins...

AB: Mike's first one is dolphin researcher. (Perfect for us COLORADO residents... the reservoir is just full of dolphins this time of year.)

LL: Haha! Dolphin researcher is on both mine and Dustin's but not the first one. (Wait a sec... what kind of family produces THREE dolphin researchers?) Dust said his first from an earlier test was a brew master. (That should come in handy while researching dolphins.)

AB: Mike's are all engineers and designers and scientists... (Of course... another smarty-pants. SHOW-OFF!! But maybe this is a good thing. If he becomes some amazing bio-chemist/dolphin researcher, then maybe he can support me and I can sit at home and blog all day. It pays to be in love with a smarty-pants...)

*************************************************************************************

So watch out world! The Great Ally B will be performing at a hotel bar and casino near you!

Don't forget to tip your waitress!

The Police |MTV Music

They just don't make videos like that anymore... it's a shame, really... well, sort of...

The Joys of Giving

It's that time of the year again.

Hanukkah!!

And Christmas!!

That's right internets! Miss Ally B swings both ways.

OK... I know what I just said.

Moving on.

I am a very lucky Ally B since my family celebrates BOTH holidays.

(Can you say awesome, albeit slightly spoiled, childhood?)

Growing up we would get little gifts (think socks and such) for those eight crazy nights, and then presents on Christmas morning.

And then we would go to the movies and get Chinese food with all of the other Jews.

(There was a time when it was only Jews at the movie theater Christmas day... now you have to buy your tickets in advance... I yearn for simpler times... if for nothing else than not having to stand in line for my popcorn.)

Well, things change as we grow up.

First, since the family is no longer together for all eight nights, we just get together one night and get some little surprises.

(Last year was a whole box of groceries! The Hanukkah fairy ROCKS!!)

Also, Mike and I are living together, and this year I have decided that after six Christmases, we are actually going to get to spend the whole day together (usually we split up for our separate family activities, and then meet mid-day).

And finally, my brother is on the other side of the globe, so this year will be very different without him.

(I'm very sad about that. Every year for the past 20 years we have spent Christmas Eve night together playing games and watching movies. I may have to convince him to play Scrabble with me using IChat...)

But perhaps the biggest difference from being little is having to buy gifts for others.

Let me change that. I used to buy gifts for my family when I was little (I know... perfect little angel...), but I just got a twenty from Mom and Dad and went shopping!

Yeah, that doesn't really work anymore.

I usually LOVE to buy presents. I love seeing the look on people's faces when I give them their gifts.

(I am a very talented present-picker-outer... hmmm... note to self: check CraigsList for any "present-picker-outer" listings.)

And even though I have a (pretty) strict budget this year, I'm still very excited to go Christmas shopping.

That is, for some people.

Some people will be getting some kick-ass gifts.

But OTHER people are driving me crazy because I have no idea what to get them.

SOME people have no ideas for themselves.

Or if they do have an idea, it's for something HUGE that I cannot afford.

(I mean really, if I could, I would get you a new road bike, or that camera lens... but I can't... maybe if I ever get a book deal, then we'll talk. Hell, if I get a book deal, you all can have a camera lens! On sale... of course.)

But the biggest problem is this:

SOMEONE rationalizes himself out of every gift. Let's just call this someone (for total anonymity) Kevin. What I mean by this is that every time I think of something, Kevin comes up with a rational reason for why he doesn't need it.

"No, I don't need a stereo for my car... I can sing to myself."

"No, I don't want a pass to the climbing gym... I don't have health insurance."

(OK, that was actually a good one... maybe I should just get him things that will help him avoid having to deal with that whole health insurance issue. Knee pads and helmet anyone?)

"No, I'll never wear that."

"No, my current Ipod may have a bum battery, but it's usually fine."

And on and on and on.

I really want to get Kev something nice. Looking back, most of the presents that I have gotten for him in the past are sitting somewhere covered in dust.

(Actually, everything in the house is covered in dust... but that's beyond the point. Note to self: add "cleaning service" to Holiday Wish List. JUST KIDDING SANTA and THE HANUKKAH FAIRY!)

I want to get him something great, because he's great, and he deserves it.

So, if Kevin is out there reading this (and he BETTER be), please start thinking of something that you want, or stop rationalizing every possibility out there so that I can feel comfortable enough to find something.

And no, Kev, an XBOX 360 is not an option... I have rationalized that the XBOX induced arguments are not worth the money...

We can have other arguments for free.

Book Nerd

As I try to figure out what the next step in my life is, I think that it is important to try and budget a little.

(My understanding is that you can't spend whatever you want if you don't have a, you know, income.)

I'm actually pretty good about not spending too much, but it's probably a good idea to evaluate what's allowed right now.

I have to have enough money for the essentials: shelter, groceries, electricity, and the medicine for the doggies (I keep telling Hannah that she's the one with the allergies, so she should really stop being lazy and get a job to pay for them).

And I have to cut out the non-essentials: eating out (at least I need to cut back), makeup, and professional eyebrow waxes (which means I might end up looking like Bert from Sesame Street, or I'll turn into one of those ladies who has to draw on her own eyebrows with a crayon... either way, please don't point and laugh).

Again, I don't waste my money, but my biggest downfall are usually accessories (sure, they're usually from Target, but they add up), but I CANNOT get any new purses (like this, or this).

(Which will make Mike very happy, as I lost the ability to house any more purses in our closet about a year ago... although I'm sure I could make space, Santa.)

Ok, the point of all of this is that I ran into some trouble when breaking purchases down into "essential" and "non-essential".

BOOKS.

I know that I should stop buying new, beautiful, exciting books. I know that I should just go to the library, or borrow books from friends and family, or, you know, read the dozens of unread books that are already on the bookshelf.

But I have this thing where I LOVE having my own books. I don't mind buying used books; as long as I can keep the book when I finish it, then I'm happy.

And everytime I finish a book, there are about three new books that I want to read.

I love being able to look at my beautiful bookshelf (designed and built by Mr. Michael) and seeing all of my little accomplishments lined up in a nice, alphabetized row.

I love being able to write the month and year that I finished a book on the first inside page (I think that libraries frown on such a thing).

I love seeing all of the series that I love lined up on the bottom shelf, with their corresponding covers looking so pretty in a group together.

I love being able to have a favorite book at my fingertips, ready for me to read again (and again... and again).

So: do I keep buying books? Do I dare to keep entering into the bookstores, knowing very well that I really won't leave without at least one purchase?

Well, yes.

I think that you have to treat yourself once in awhile. Sure, I'll limit myself, but I figure that buying books is a way better vice than purchasing designer shoes or lattes everyday.

All of this speaking about books makes me want to tell you all about a couple of AWESOME books that I read in New Zealand. I didn't get to read as much as I usually do on vacation. I guess Dad and AJ like to actually, like, do stuff rather than sit around reading. This is very different than what Mike and I do on vacation. Maybe that's because Mike and I usually can't afford to really do anything when we travel on our own... or maybe we're just nerds... lazy nerds.

I'm not complaining, though. It was nice to be able to actually get up and see the country!

Anywhozit, I had the privilege of reading some books that are now new favorites.

But first, some books that I read that were good, but did not make it to the coveted "favorite list".

I read the third and fourth books in the Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris. They were good, very entertaining. I really like the series, so that's good (though none of them are as good as the first book in the series: Dead Until Dark ... and in terms of vampire series, The Twilight Saga is still the best... obviously).

I also read A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin. Truth be told, I didn't really like this book (sorry AJ, since it's one of his faves). I mean, it's just not my kinda style or story. The thing that I find fascinating about these kind of books, though, is how much creativity the author has to create a story like that. It's a fantasy, and the first book in a series, so she had to create so many names and places and creatures, and I find that incredible. So I'm glad that I read it so that I could see how an author creates a story (always learning!).

Now, I said that I read some AMAZING books that are now on my all time favorite list.


First is The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I read about this book on Stephenie Meyer's website (I check it everyday because I am an obsessed loser... and kinda a stalker... not really... I think). She loved it so much that she posted her review of it on her homepage, so I went and bought it. It's been sitting on my self for awhile, and I decided to finally take it with me on this trip.

This was the BEST BOOK EVER. It was crazy good. Like I couldn't stop reading it. And I thought about it long after I finished it. It was an extremely well written story about growing up in the most horrific of circumstances.

Seriously, so good!!

Oh, and you should be warned that the book is classified as "young adult". Don't let the label discourage you - some of the BEST books ever written are in that section (enter The Twilight Saga and Harry Potter ). Plus, that means they're easy as pie, which we all need once in awhile.


The other book that is now on my favorite list is called Slam and it is by the one and only Nick Hornby. He is by far one of the best writers out there (High Fidelity, anyone?), and Slam did not disappoint. I actually found this book at the bookstore with my dad. He too is a Hornby fan, so in an effort to secure my spot as winner of the Best Daughter of All Time award, I got the book for him. Of course, this was with the understanding that I could read it after him...

The book is hilarious and touching and you feel like you really are in the mind of a 15-year-old British kid.

So, those are my reviews and suggestions for the holiday season. If you follow my advice and read The Hunger Games and Slam, I hope you enjoy them. And if you don't follow my advice... then you suck.

Not really.

Well... only kinda.

(See how I was able to write another (long) post without actually writting about my trip? Don't get me wrong, it was an awesome trip and I want to share, but, as I said yesterday, it's a bit overwhelming to write about 16 days of activity... but soon, I promise.)

Getting Back to Business...

And by business, I mean finally getting to see Twilight


Sure, I just returned from the magical land of Kiwis and sheep, but there's just so much to write about that experience, so I'm just going to talk about Twilight


(It's called an "artistic process"... also known as "procrastination".)

If you don't know what The Twilight Saga is, or you know what it is, but don't care, then don't read this.

Instead, just go buy the damn books and then go see the movie.

And then read this.

Seriously.

Go.

Actually, really, if you don't like Twilight, then this post is pretty worthless to you.

And now that I have alienated most of my readership, let us continue.

I've heard pretty dreadful things about the movie. Most of my friends emailed me in NZ to tell me that the movie was a total let down. (And by "most of my friends", I mean two... which means all of my friends emailed me about it... *tear*.)

Therefore, my expectations were pretty darn low going into the theater.

I mean, I never expected the movie to be AWESOME. It's like the Harry Potter movies. NONE of them are GREAT (though they are getting much better... and the sixth one looks extremely promising...), but I love them. They're entertaining as hell, and they're fun. I always laugh and cry and forget about all the shit going on in the world during those hours in the theater... And isn't that what movies are supposed to do... let you escape?

But, because of the crappy reviews and all, I walked in thinking it would be pretty awful... maybe even painful. I was scared that the film would be SO BAD that it would just end up ruining one of my most favoritist books of all time.

Well... in a nutshell...

It was not THAT BAD. It was even, dare I say, good. Like, I really liked it.

Maybe it's just because my expectations were SO low, but I thought that it was really fun and entertaining and way better than I thought it would be.

Sure, it's not going to win any awards.

Sure, some of it was really cheesy and all, but if you stop and think about it, it's a cheesy-ass story anyway.

Sure, it wasn't as good as the book, but that never happens (except for maybe High Fidelity... both the movie and the book are amazing). I think that they actually did a very good job putting together a nice and cohesive movie out of a 500+ page novel.

And sure, the acting was kinda iffy. But, overall, I think that the actors did very well.

Robert Pattinson was, um, gorgeous, and I think that he did a good job portraying Edward in all his smoldering-crazy-overreacting-Godlike-glory.

Kristin Stewart was actually a very good Bella. Yes, she was kinda aloof in some scenes, but overall, she was much better than I thought she would be.

And the other characters did pretty well (especially Bella's friends at school and Charlie). EXCEPT for Alice and Jasper. They were just weird and awkward and funny looking (these are supposed to be the most amazingly beautiful creatures on the planet, and they were just... not...).

So, overall, I was not disappointed.

And yes, I'll probably see it again.

And yes, I'll buy it on DVD.

So, for those of you who don't have any idea what I am talking about... you should. But if you really have no interest in this stuff, then you'll be happy to know that I actually have "real" stuff to write about later.

I do have a life.

Sure... it's schooless and jobless and, lately, has revolved around my obsession with a fictional vampire man... but I promise I'll write about other stuff.

Important stuff.

Like how super cute Bonnie and Hannah are.

And Michael's beard.

And said beard's implications and consequences in our relationship.

And how I need a job... during a recession...

And how I'm considering bangs.

See... very important stuff.

All in good time, my friends... all in good time.