I Know it's Stupid... but I Just Can't Resist

If you've been living under a rock, you should probably watch the real one first:



Good, clean, Twilight fun...

Jim is my Muse (pun!)...

I thought I'd post the video for the song that I CANNOT get out of my head today...

Which is hard, since I don't really know all of the words and my voice doesn't get as high as his...

The dogs keep leaving out the back door, throwing death glares at me.

(Well Bonnie is... Hannah is still in that infatuation stage with her ball...)

Muse |MTV Music

Otherwise, my life has been more of the same.

There is literally nothing very exciting to talk about.

Except that I really have a craving to get the new Blackberry Storm... but in all honesty, I'm pretty positive that I only want it because of Jim's voice on the commercials...


OK... I don't know if there's really anything else I can write about... but at least that awesome song and gorgeous picture are here.

I'll write again if I think of anything, though...

Oh my gosh! Another Blackberry commercial! What are you doin' to me, Halpert?

Hannah is in Love...

In all of the excitement and pandemonium that is Momma returning home (even if I've only been gone for 20 minutes), Bonnie and Hannah have to bring me their toys.

Today, I walked into the house and the dogs went crazy, as usual, but had no toys to bring me.

Which means that I became the chew toy.

Then Hannah brought me a blanket.

That's right, Hannah has turned to bringing Momma linens as a greeting present.

"Where are your toys? Shall we look outside?"

They immediately ran out the dog door. I followed (through the human door), and was greeted by Hannah violently trying to shake the ice and snow off of Boris.

ALL of their toys are buried in the snow.

(I also should mention that this is EXACTLY why Boris is an INSIDE toy. But do Bonnie and Hannah get that? Obviously not.)

"Hannah, drop Boris."

He instantly falls out of her mouth and lies hollow and frozen on the ground. I love him, but he is NOT going to thaw in the house.

Somehow, I can't see a tennis ball anywhere in the backyard.

So I found a couple of new tennis balls stuck in a cabinet somewhere (a secret, emergency stash).

I threw them out onto the floor and now Hannah is completely and utterly gaga over her new tennis balls. She carried both in her mouth at once (not an easy thing), and wouldn't even put them down to get a treat.

Now THAT is true love.

She hasn't stopped playing with them. She's chewing on them, and kissing them, and every so often she'll throw them against the wall and run after them.

If only we could all have something we loved so much.

It's Begining to Look a Lot Like... a Freezer

What a beautiful Monday morning in Colorado!

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, Bonnie is barking...

And it's NEGATIVE FOUR DEGREES.

(Actually, with the wind chill, it's NEGATIVE FIFTEEN).

Yeah, there is NO WAY that Ally B is going out in this cold. Nope, nada, screw it.

Bonnie has been acting out because she wants to go for a W-A-L-K, but how do you explain to a doggie that Momma will have boogers freeze in her nasal cavity if she goes strolling down the block? Not to mention the fact that Bonnie has a nasty habit of pulling Momma down the sidewalk, and when it's frozen solid, that just leads to a Christmas disaster...

So, I will be here. Drinking hot cocoa (with Irish Whisky... after 5 PM, I mean), reading Twilight (again), and contemplating whether or not to drug sweet Bonnie.

If I get bored I will sit at the window and laugh at the poor suckers in their beannies and Uggs who have to wait outside my driveway for the bus to take them to their Fall Finals.

Suckas!

And if you throw that whole Ally-B-Unemployed thing in my face...

Then YOU have to take Bonnie out for a W-A-L-K.

Kudos

At my most recent job, we had an email for us all to send "kudos".

These are verbal high-fives for our co-workers.

You know: "Ally is my most favorite person, she's SUCH a hard worker and this company would just fall apart without her."

(OK, I never got that kudos... actually, I never got any kudos... dammit...)

(That really sucks, especially since they started handing out actual Kudos snack bars...)

These kudos are then read aloud at company-wide staff meetings.

So, on my last day I decided to write a kudos.

I found out at the company party last night that people really enjoyed my kudos, so I've decided to copy it here for the whole internets to enjoy...

Oh, some things you should know.

1) My job was to scan documents... that was IT for the last month or two of my job. Scan, scan, and then scan some more.

2) I name inanimate objects.

3) Darrick is the COO, aka: head-honcho.

I sit here, in my bare and empty cubicle. The calendars have been tossed, useless documents have been sent to the shredder (at least I hope they were useless), and I have managed to carve my initials into my desk. I sit here and I am struck by an immense wave of gratitude. Gratitude to the most important partner that I have had while here. And this partner deserves a huge “kudos”.

And so I say, with all my heart, kudos to Samantha. For those of you who do not know who Samantha is, well boy have you missed out! Samantha is my scanner, my confidant, and above all, my friend. She’s like the kid-sister I never had (nor wanted). She’s a sweet lady, and a little sassy. Like all of us, Samantha has had her good days, and her bad. But always, she is there for me. Even after we’d had a fight, or after a certain manager threw a penny down her throat, or after she choked to death (almost) on a staple, she was still here when I came in the next day. Sitting, waiting, and always willing.

I will miss her. But I know she is in good hands.

And so, goodbye Samantha, and God Speed.

Ally

PS: Although she deserves it, please do not give Samantha an actual Kudos bar… not only is she watching her figure, but I’m pretty sure that she has a gluten allergy.

PPS: Don’t worry, Darrick, I clocked out before I composed this amazing, award-winning-worthy Kudos.

Ally B Textin

First, I would like to post the video that I was searching for to go with my last post. I just found it, thank you MTVmusic.com, so here you go.

(Just pretend that you are still reading the post it was supposed to be on: The Joys of Giving.)

Sarah Silverman |MTV Music

And now we shall move on:

Last night I received an email from Lightning Legs.

It had a website that she had used that has a questionnaire about your interests and skills. The site then generated a list of career options based on how you answered.

Her second email said that one of her Top 50 Career Options was a Dude Ranch Operator.

What follows is a transcript of our conversation.

(Is it still a "conversation" if we didn't actually verbally converse? I shall instead call it a transcript of our textathon.)

(BOLD is my commentary-in-hindsight.)

Text from Ally B: PLEASE say that you will at least consider becoming a dude ranch operator.

Text from Lightning Legs: Oh for sure! I'll be gettin' me some shit kickers and a straw hat. What does it suggest for you?

AB: I haven't been able to do it yet, but I will! You'd look so pretty in a hat, and lassos are SO in this season.

AB: One of my top 50 is magician... can I work on your dude ranch? (SERIOUSLY!! MAGICIAN!!)

LL: HAHAHA! Perfect! We'll need talent like that on my ranch to entertain the guests. (Seriously, I about died laughing at your text!)

AB: Well it better have made you laugh... one of my other options was stand-up comedy. (SERIOUSLY!! STAND-UP COMEDY!!)

LL: That's so funny! All of mine were like doctor-type things with random dude ranch operator and engineer and astronaut stuff thrown in. And I took it twice... (Smarty-Pants show off! I'm sitting here with magician, comedy, oh, and greeting card designer.)

AB: Mine are all performance and artistic or being in charge of others (it said that I could be a employee training manager. When I clicked on it to find out what that was, it had a cartoon with a guy demonstrating the correct way to flip a burger... great)... it was actually pretty interesting. Mike is taking his now.

LL: Dustin's (their little brother) second one is a boat captain!

AB: Oh my GOD! When I took one of these in high school I got sailor as my first! (True story) Dustin and I are like long-lost twins...

AB: Mike's first one is dolphin researcher. (Perfect for us COLORADO residents... the reservoir is just full of dolphins this time of year.)

LL: Haha! Dolphin researcher is on both mine and Dustin's but not the first one. (Wait a sec... what kind of family produces THREE dolphin researchers?) Dust said his first from an earlier test was a brew master. (That should come in handy while researching dolphins.)

AB: Mike's are all engineers and designers and scientists... (Of course... another smarty-pants. SHOW-OFF!! But maybe this is a good thing. If he becomes some amazing bio-chemist/dolphin researcher, then maybe he can support me and I can sit at home and blog all day. It pays to be in love with a smarty-pants...)

*************************************************************************************

So watch out world! The Great Ally B will be performing at a hotel bar and casino near you!

Don't forget to tip your waitress!

The Police |MTV Music

They just don't make videos like that anymore... it's a shame, really... well, sort of...

The Joys of Giving

It's that time of the year again.

Hanukkah!!

And Christmas!!

That's right internets! Miss Ally B swings both ways.

OK... I know what I just said.

Moving on.

I am a very lucky Ally B since my family celebrates BOTH holidays.

(Can you say awesome, albeit slightly spoiled, childhood?)

Growing up we would get little gifts (think socks and such) for those eight crazy nights, and then presents on Christmas morning.

And then we would go to the movies and get Chinese food with all of the other Jews.

(There was a time when it was only Jews at the movie theater Christmas day... now you have to buy your tickets in advance... I yearn for simpler times... if for nothing else than not having to stand in line for my popcorn.)

Well, things change as we grow up.

First, since the family is no longer together for all eight nights, we just get together one night and get some little surprises.

(Last year was a whole box of groceries! The Hanukkah fairy ROCKS!!)

Also, Mike and I are living together, and this year I have decided that after six Christmases, we are actually going to get to spend the whole day together (usually we split up for our separate family activities, and then meet mid-day).

And finally, my brother is on the other side of the globe, so this year will be very different without him.

(I'm very sad about that. Every year for the past 20 years we have spent Christmas Eve night together playing games and watching movies. I may have to convince him to play Scrabble with me using IChat...)

But perhaps the biggest difference from being little is having to buy gifts for others.

Let me change that. I used to buy gifts for my family when I was little (I know... perfect little angel...), but I just got a twenty from Mom and Dad and went shopping!

Yeah, that doesn't really work anymore.

I usually LOVE to buy presents. I love seeing the look on people's faces when I give them their gifts.

(I am a very talented present-picker-outer... hmmm... note to self: check CraigsList for any "present-picker-outer" listings.)

And even though I have a (pretty) strict budget this year, I'm still very excited to go Christmas shopping.

That is, for some people.

Some people will be getting some kick-ass gifts.

But OTHER people are driving me crazy because I have no idea what to get them.

SOME people have no ideas for themselves.

Or if they do have an idea, it's for something HUGE that I cannot afford.

(I mean really, if I could, I would get you a new road bike, or that camera lens... but I can't... maybe if I ever get a book deal, then we'll talk. Hell, if I get a book deal, you all can have a camera lens! On sale... of course.)

But the biggest problem is this:

SOMEONE rationalizes himself out of every gift. Let's just call this someone (for total anonymity) Kevin. What I mean by this is that every time I think of something, Kevin comes up with a rational reason for why he doesn't need it.

"No, I don't need a stereo for my car... I can sing to myself."

"No, I don't want a pass to the climbing gym... I don't have health insurance."

(OK, that was actually a good one... maybe I should just get him things that will help him avoid having to deal with that whole health insurance issue. Knee pads and helmet anyone?)

"No, I'll never wear that."

"No, my current Ipod may have a bum battery, but it's usually fine."

And on and on and on.

I really want to get Kev something nice. Looking back, most of the presents that I have gotten for him in the past are sitting somewhere covered in dust.

(Actually, everything in the house is covered in dust... but that's beyond the point. Note to self: add "cleaning service" to Holiday Wish List. JUST KIDDING SANTA and THE HANUKKAH FAIRY!)

I want to get him something great, because he's great, and he deserves it.

So, if Kevin is out there reading this (and he BETTER be), please start thinking of something that you want, or stop rationalizing every possibility out there so that I can feel comfortable enough to find something.

And no, Kev, an XBOX 360 is not an option... I have rationalized that the XBOX induced arguments are not worth the money...

We can have other arguments for free.