Sunday, May 10, 2009

Fit or Fail: Closet Case Edition

I'm trying very hard to focus on the progress of my fitness as much as on the results. And part of that progress involves taking a look at me. Inside and out. And the way I look on the outside isn't just about how much I weigh or how toned my legs look... it's about what I look like on a day-to-day basis.

So this week I cleaned out my wardrobe.

Usually this is an activity that causes much turmoil, self-loathing, and denial.

Do I throw this really cute dress that I've never worn but might after I lose ten pounds in the "gone" pile?

Why doesn't this shirt look good on me?

I'll totally wear these pants... totally.

And? I still end up with an overflowing closet and dresser.

So this time I went into the process with a brutal attitude.

Haven't worn it in the last year (or two)?


That shirt that I got at a concert 6 years ago but I haven't worn since the day after the concert and doesn't even fit because I shrunk it but am keeping because it has "sentimental value"?


Can't fit into it?


Can fit into it but it looks like I shouldn't be able to fit into it but if I lost 15 pounds it might look okay?


I took all of my clothes out of the closet and dresser, and tried everything on, one by one.

And if it didn't look great, didn't make me feel great, or hadn't been worn for a long time? It went into one of those huge black trash bags made for lawn clippings.

At the end I had a much emptier closet and a dresser with drawers that closed.

My goal? To move on.

I've fallen into the habit of wearing the same 10 outfits. And 9 of those outfits include the same pair of jeans and a baggy t-shirt.

Why? Because I'm trying to hide. I'm trying to tell myself (and everyone else) that I don't really care. That I'm okay being "blah".

But I'm not.

A t-shirt and jeans is easy. I can just be nothing in it.

But I'm done.

That's why I got rid of all of the clothes that made me feel less than great.

That's why I put the t-shirts in the bottom drawer of the dresser, reserved only for exercise, sleep, cleaning, or lazy afternoons at home.

I realized that all of the clothes that I had left were brown, gray, or black.

I realized that I didn't really have anything left.

So I went to those awesome stores where the average price for a shirt is $12.50 and got outfits that made me smile when I was in the dressing room (not a usual occurrence).

I got shirts with color.

I got a dress with patterns.

I got pants in a material other than denim.

And I came home and hung them in my closet, on display so that I can actually see them and want to wear them.

And today? It rained... so I couldn't really wear any of my super cute outfits... so that sucked.

But tomorrow? I'm wearing something new, exciting, and me.

(As long as it stops raining... I don't want to get my cute new clothes damp... they're super cheap, and therefore don't really last in adverse conditions... but I still love them.)

Next up... cleaning out my shoes and purses. I fear my logic and unwavering discipline won't last through that stage in the spring cleaning process...

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