Friday, January 16, 2009

You Know When...

So, you know when it's FINALLY a nice day (sunny AND warm... what a concept) so you decide to take the dogs out before heading to the gym for a little pre-gym warm up and so that your Aussie Shepard stops giving you death threats (she makes eye contact with you then looks at the leashes and then moves her paw across her throat in a fairly grotesque yet obvious fashion that lets you know that it's either a walk or certain death). And you're walking and enjoying the weather and minding your own business and your letting the dogs roll all over the grass and snow because you figure they really don't have a lot of grass to roll around at home and then you look down and realize that they are not rolling in grass and snow as much as they are rolling in grass and snow and a dead animal. And you scream "Oh shit!" and pull your dogs off of the deceased creature and they're upset because it was the most wonderful thing that has happened to them in a while but they get over it because they're dogs and have a short-term memory of three seconds (or is that the goldfish?) but either way they get over it and just go back to rolling around on the grass and snow that isn't covered in dead animal. And then you look at the dead animal to make sure that it's actually dead and not covered in maggots or anything and at first you think that it's some sort of monster like THIS and you get grossed out but kinda excited because you think that you just discovered a new organism and you think you'll be famous and people other than your immediate family will ACTUALLY READ YOUR BLOG because you discovered this animal (though, of course, you'll have to give some credit to Bonnie and Hannah because they were actually the ones who discovered it by insisting on rolling in it) and you are now famous. And then you look again and realize that no, it's just a plain old raccoon and nobody is going to make a fuss over a mushed raccoon even if your dogs did roll in it and even if it looks like a monster now. So you think wow, maybe I should blog about this because there's really nothing to blog about but then you realize that nobody will want to read about how your dogs rolled in a dead raccoon even if it could have been a monster but then you realize that sometimes you just have to share so you end up writing a number of run-on sentences about the raccoon.

But you can't write about it right away, no, because you have things to do. First you have to contemplate washing your dogs because they rolled in monster/raccoon and they probably smell bad but you aren't positive because you really don't want to test the theory and then you look outside and see that the dogs are rolling around in a pile of snow in the backyard and you think wow, what good doggies they are giving themselves a bath so that's one thing you can cross off of your list. And then you think, OK, now I can blog about all of this but then you look at the clock and realize that you need to get to the gym because Law & Order: CI is starting and you like to watch it on the gym televisions while you are on the elliptical so you really need to get going. So you decide to take your computer with you and treat yourself to a sandwich and skinny iced chai after Law & Order: CI while you blog about all of the exciting things that have happened that day. But then you decide to go to a coffee shop that you've never been to and even though it's really nice you end up spending over ten bucks on a extra small skinny iced chai and tiny sandwich and you get a little upset because it's not like you have a job but then you convince yourself that it's OK because it's Friday and you haven't really spent any money this week anyway so it's all good.

And then you remember that there IS something semi-interesting to write about but you've forgotten about it up until now because the whole dog-raccoon-slash-monster-Law-and-Order-expensive-food-and-drink-fiasco that is your life distracted you.

Since my brother is traveling Oceania, my mother is on her way to see said brother and then to stay a week on an island in Fiji that has 12 private beaches for a total population of 14 couples and my father is about to visit all seven continents... well I figure I need to do something otherwise I'll be the total laughing stock of my family and I should just get the pint of ice cream right now to let the self-loathing begin. But no, I'm going to travel the country and experience life and do something oh-so-crazy.

So I'm going to Nashville (which sounds like kinda a let down when you compare it to what the rest of me family is doing but that's OK).

There's a conference there for women who blog and so I decided to go and see what it's all about and hopefully get to have a drink with the fabulous Jen Lancaster who will be the keynote speaker and I figure that even if it blows it'll at least give me something more interesting to blog about than my dogs' affinity for dead animals.


(PS: I know this isn't my regular style of writing but it's been one of those days where I'm thinking without punctuation and I downed that skinny iced chai super fast and therefore am having major caffeine overload. Plus I've been reading a lot of the bloggess and this is how she writes so I wanted to try it because she's hilarious and I want to be funny someday, too.)

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