Stop Being a Stalker Day

Are you someone who reads blogs but never comments? Someone who follows people on twitter but never says anything? Yeah, you're a lurker.

(It's okay... I don't judge.)

(Except that I totally do.)

Well, today is Delurker Day, which means it's time to come out from the shadows and say hi.

Let me know you're there. Let me know what you think. Tell me your favorite color. What's your dog's name? Anything will do. I'd love to know who's out there, reading and judging me.

I want to hear from you, so stop stalking, and start talking.

(I totally just made that up. I should copyright it.)

(Because it's awesome.)

(I feel the need to point out that stalking is really serious and really bad, so don't do it.)

(Though I must also say that I'm going to Blissdom '10 in a couple of weeks where Harry Connick, Jr. will be and I will be following him around and I might take a lock of his hair.)

(Fair warning.)

(Don't worry, I totally won't take some of his hair. That's creepy. I'm just going to take his empty wine glass to harvest his DNA.)

(That's science.)

(Yes, I realize that I could harvest DNA from his hair, too. I'm just trying to plan strategy and I'm pretty sure that it would be a lot easier to pretend to be a waitress clearing the dirty dishes from his table than to steal a lock of his hair without him getting suspicious and then calling the cops.)

(These are the things I think about.)

(Leave a comment.)

(Please.)

PS: The color scheme and theme of this blog are slowly changing. The purple and paper are just the first steps. We're working on making it totally kick-ass. You just wait.

Welcome to the Future

I know that ordering pizza on the internet is exactly brand new, but last night was the first time that I did it, so it's new to me.

(And it's all about me.)

Last night Mike and I wanted some Domino's Pizza (because we're classy). I decided to avoid human contact completely and use their online ordering system.

Holy shit, people, it's amazing. Really. Who needs flying cars and robots? This is the future.

My favorite parts?

Making your pizza is basically like being a PIZZA GOD.

But they totally ruin you're pizza making high.


But the best part? They have a progress tracker (see? FUTURE) that shows you when the order was taken, when your pizza is being prepared, baked, and checked over (to make sure no hair is on it?) (I actually appreciate that step), and when it leaves the store. It even tells you who's doing all of this.

Apparently "Hannah" took care of our order. As we were watching the little tracker thing, we started to get crazy hungry. ("Crazy hungry" occurs when you start screaming at your computer.) Soon we were yelling "BAKE IT FASTER HANNAH. TURN UP THE DAMN OVEN," and "HUSTLE UP HANNAH. WE NEED PEPPERONI STAT, WOMAN".

(Of course, this caused some problems for us. We had a very distraught golden retriever pacing back and forth wondering why the hell we were yelling her name so much.)

When the blinking light moved to "out for delivery", it told us that "John" was on his way. We proceeded to sit at the window calling "JOOOOOHHHHNNNNN" and wondering which car was his.

(Remember? Crazy hungry.)

It was awesome. I felt like I was in Star Trek or something.

(Actually, if it were Star Trek, my pizza would have appeared out of my computer.)

(Dude, they totally have a Wikipedia article about that machine that creates food in Star Trek.)

(Geeks are so organized.)

PS: The new Domino's pizza is actually really good.

PPS: FULL DISCLOSURE: Domino's didn't ask me to write anything and I didn't get anything to do so. I'm just a happy member of THE FUTURE.

PPPS: I don't think I actually have to disclose that, but it makes me feel fancy to do it.

PPPPS: OTHER DISCLOSURE: I'll gladly accept free pizza, though... just so you all know.

Palindrome Princess

Happy Palindrome Day!

Today is 01/02/2010, or 01022010, front and back.

Which means? Hannah is the princess of today because her name is also the same front and back.

In honor of today and the princess, please honor Her Awesomeness by sending some of Hannah's most favorite things to her.

Like tennis balls.

And napkins.

And socks.

And toys that squeak.

And bananas.

Please:

Do NOT iron anything, as it scares her.

Do NOT touch her paws, because it makes her upset.

And finally, please do NOT chew on her back leg while she's trying to get through the dog door.

(I'M TALKING TO YOU BONNIE.)

(Obviously.)

PS: Even though Hannah also loves dead rodents, please don't send any of those. I'll just assume that you would if you could, and it's really the thought that counts.

Best of 09: Failed Resolution

I made it!! I completed the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge!

(If you missed any, you can find them all here.)

Thanks, Gwen, for putting this all together!

December 31st: Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...)

It's all pretty cliche.

I wish I had gotten fit this year. I wish my house was organized. I wish I'd done a lot of things that I didn't actually do.

But I ended up doing a lot of stuff that I didn't think that I would do, which I figure makes up for it.

(Except for the whole not getting fit thing... going to Nashville doesn't really make up for that, does it?)

(Oh well.)

Here's to 2010!



(I've watched that video about twenty-seven times in the last three days... and thirteen more times since I embedded it in this post.)

(Who knew so many people used the word "down" this year?)

(I just searched my blog for the word "down" and it was used in 19 posts this year... given the crazy amount of times that the word was obviously used by pop stars in 2009, I feel like that's not nearly enough.)

(Resolution for 2010: use the word "down" more.)

(Shit... it'll probably be out of style by this time next year. What's the word of 2010? I'd really appreciate knowing *now* so that I'm not in this situation next year.)

(Because it's embarrassing.)

(I shouldn't have even pointed it out... fuck.)

(Maybe "fuck" will be the biggest word of 2010. I hope so, because I'm already on top of that one.)

(Also? I don't recognize more than half of those songs in the video. Another resolution for 2010: listen to more Top 40 radio...)

(I'm ambitious.)

(Down.)

(Fuck.)

Best of 09: Ad

December 30th: Ad. What advertisement made you think this year?

This one made me think... mostly because I didn't get it the first time I saw it.



Awesome.

Best of 09: Laugh

December 29th: Laugh. What was your biggest belly laugh of the year?

If you haven't already figured it out, my entire family is completely insane. Earlier this year my grandma said, "This family is not dysfunctional, we're funny."

I'm very lucky because I'm surrounded by hilarious people. We're so completely insane that we laugh all the time. It's the way we are.

(I've actually had people say that they would buy tickets just to observe our Thanksgiving dinner...)

My friends constantly make me smile and fall over with laughter.

My relationship with Mike is built on total hilarity... we make each other laugh every single day. (I truly believe that it's the number one reason we've been together for nearly 8 years (so far).)

Even my dogs have a sense of humor (when I'm having a bad day, I swear they do shit just to make me smile).

Some people think that I have a cynical, dark, sense of humor, but I don't see it that way. I think laughing at the twisted, disturbing stuff makes living easier, better, and fun. I've learned that you have to laugh at the dark stuff because it's the only way to get through it all.

Some of the funniest people that I've met have lived through unimaginable tragedy - the loss of a child, horrible disease, terrible accidents - but they keep laughing and they keep making other people laugh.

Laughter makes you happy to be alive, it makes it easier to get up in the morning, it allows you to cope when something bad happens.

It's survival.

It's the only way to live.

PS: You know what's really funny? This post is about the biggest laugh of my year and it's turned out to be a ridiculously serious commentary...

PPS: Shit... I feel bad about that. Here:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

You're welcome.

Best of 09: Stationery

December 28th: Stationery. When you touch the paper, your heart melts. The ink flows from the pen. What was your stationery find of the year?

I don't collect "stationery", like for writing thank you notes on or anything, but I am a total whore for school supplies and journals.

I LOVE the look and feel and excitement of a new, blank notebook.

(It's the little things, people.)

(I think that I should go back to school so that I can get new supplies.)

(That may not be the *best* reason... but it's still appealing.)

(Does anybody else really want to make a trip to an office supply store? Just me?)

I found this journal the day after my grandma died, a time when I felt particularly c-r-a-z-y.

The cover says:

"My Dysfunctions:
A journal for chronicling my immeasurably fascinating dysfunctions, neuroses, emotions, inner children, moments of shame and doubt, projection, self-loathing, misanthropy, and completely normal insanity, because the only difference between me and the rest of the population is that I acknowledge how crazy I am and they're all in mind-numbing denial."

It's filled with quotes from some of the most awesomely dysfunctional people in history and each page starts with "Why I Am Dysfunctional Today".

Needless to say, this journal really spoke to me.

(Not literally...)

(Really...)

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
- Rita Mae Brown